The Other Woman

It was a joke. Female hormones affecting judgement à Female President Bad idea — > horny male president bad idea –> Bill Clinton. Lot’s of sex = Bill Clinton. Little sex = G.H. Bush and G.W. Bush. Okay, have I sufficiently connected the dots that make up my erratic thinking? I’m confused and confusing.

I could use a nice young female intern about now.

Since March of this year, we’ve had intercourse exactly twice. Two handjobs, and one of those was the cockring affair. 4 sexual encounters in 6 months. Only two of those counted if you’re keeping score accoding to our esteemed ex-president’s rules.

The longest dry spell ever was back when she was pregnant with Elmo. She was on some form of bed rest almost from the moment of conception so about 10 1/2 months of absolutely nothing.

It isn’t just the sex., though. It’s the whole constellation of intimacy surrounding it. The other night I had both boys laying down with me and I was reading Curious George Goes to the Tran Station. She was leaving to go to the store. She hugged and kissed Thomas. She hugged and kissed Elmo…and walked away. I was stunned. I stopped reading in my astonishment. She came back and gave me a small peck and left.

Even the perfunctory ritual of hello and goodbye kisses is disappearing.

Where does a guy go when he is just about at rock bottom? Who can he turn to? Besides his Good Invisible Internet Friends, of course. There really is only one place to go. To the only one who knows him as well or better than his wife. The Other Woman. His mother. It sure as hell beats having an affair at this point. While you all have been nothing but supportive (most of you most of the time) I feel the need for more substantial support. Time for the big guns.

I’ve tried to get ask Arwyn how she might feel if our boys got married to someone like her. How would she feel about them being treated the way she is treating me? She really never gave me a straight answer except hoping they would marry someone caring who wouldn’t take advantage of them. She still thinks of them as disabled and is projecting that into the future 20 years.

I’m even thinking about giving Mom the URL to this place. She’s in reasonably good health so I’m fairly confident I wouldn’t cause too much or a stroke or heart attack with some of the stuff I have here. As long as she’s sitting while reading, there shouldn’t be too much damage from the concussion once she picks herself up off the floor. Her birthday is today, so maybe I should order her one of those emergency alerts: “Help! I’ve read my son’s blog and I can’t breathe!”

There’s been a bit of discussion around anonymous blogland; what if your spouse found out? But here is a new twist: what about your parents? The only one I know of engaged in somewhat risky writing whose parents (and boyfriend and bosses and co-workers) read her blog is Kristy, who has a list of the guys she’s slept with and a picture of her ass as well as lots of discussions about her drinking and dating life posted. She even gave the URL out on a job interview once. She’s a guilty pleasure of mine, even though it bears no relation to anything I write about except this post.

So what do you think, dear readers? Transport yourself to a time and place where your children are married. If you have girls, imagine mine being the blog of your son-in-law. What the hell kind of freak did your daughter marry? Or, if I’m your son, where did you go wrong?

Yes, I’m even entertaining sending out the URL to her mother. I’ve never said anything bad about my mother-in-law here and don’t have much bad to say at all. But that might be over the top, as she’s not in as good of health as my mother. Arwyn wouldn’t forgive me for her mother ending up in the hospital because of such foolishness. And her mother would definitely give Arwyn the link so that whole party would be over.

Fact is, I’m weary of the dirty little secret that is my married life. Arwyn can really put on a good show to family and friends during the limited time we spend with them.

Meanwhile, there’s no hurry to explore all those various options. I’m still thinking and deciding. If Arwyn bolts than that actually makes things easier. But we do have small kids to think about and that makes things more complicated in addition to being deep in the red.

D.

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11 Responses to The Other Woman

  1. Dewdrop says:

    Am I missing something here – (okay my brain perhaps :S) but what purpose would it serve by giving your mother the link to your blog? Are you being serious, or is this a purely flippant/desparate remark? I mean is this just a thought, and will remain so? Because if she read it what do you think she could/would do? Do you just want her to know (and anyone she tells, if she does pass on the ‘word’) that your marriage is very, very low of sex/affection from your wife? Do you think this would help? Would it make you feel better? The point is Arwyn, I would imagine, would be totally shaken and hurt if you did do it, and it would probably send you even further apart from the goal/wish you want to achieve. I would be totally wary of getting other immediate family members involved, unless you feel that they would react in a positive and calm light and would be able to soothe, help and advise positively, rather than argue, shout or scold and generally create (even more?) bad feelings between yourself, Arwyn and themselves/other family members. Only you know your mother and how she’d deal with the knowledge of your intimate marital problem/s, so obviously the choice is yours, but personally it’s not a decision I would really be willing to make.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I agree with dewdrop.

    Marriage is between the partners, and parents have no place in their children’s bedrooms. If you’re considering doing this to hurt and humiliate Arwen into having sex with you, please rethink it, because hurt and humilation does not lead to increased libido. I can guarantee that.

    I think that Friends in the Computer can be good, but they can also be bad, because they can reinforce entrenched positions

  3. Square1 says:

    I think this has little to do with trying to motivate Arwyn to do anything. It seems more to me that it has more to do with being tired of wearing a mask out in public when there’s so much pain on the inside. Eventually the mask cracks, secrets have a way of being exposed. It’s an eventuality. Always.

    I think a controlled vent is what digger is looking for. Someone close to him who can understand what he’s going through. Someone who can look past the mask and know everything is NOT all right. I’m there too, though I doubt I would ever give my mom the link to my blog. She’d have a field day with it trying to play an amatuer psychologist and analyzing everything I do and say to death. I have enough trouble without having to worry about that kind of scrutiny.

  4. Square1 says:

    P.S. Arwyn may be hurt by such an exposure, but keeping it all a secret isn’t doing anyone any good either. Despite the expense counselling sounds like the better option D. You’d got to the doctor if you were sick right? After all you need to be healthy to take care of your kids. Well your marriage is sick right now, and you need to got to the doctor to make it healthy again… for yourself, for Arwyn, FOR YOUR KIDS!

  5. Rob says:

    I doubt that Digger will go off telling either his mom nor his mom-in-law about his marriage problems. Like the previous *other woman* lioness blog entry posted awhile back, I think that he’s just posting this as vent material, wishful thinking on his part. Digger, I know you don’t go for the idea of counselling and probably feel that you can in no way afford the cost, but remember those 4 options that I put in a previous comment to you here? Well here’s one last one: counselling. This may well be your last chance, regardless of the cost involved. I agree with Square1’s comments. It’s your ultimate decision though so choose wisely. I’ve already made my own personal choice and my sex scorecard is lower than yours.

  6. Digger Jones says:

    Two words: Prayer Support. Mom is a prayer warrior surpassed by none. While it may anger her, I don’t think she’d confront Arwyn directly. My parents live 1000 miles away.

    FWIW, I did share my wish with her from Three Wishes and did tell her some of what was going on. If something radical happens, such as me leaving, Arwyn leaving, me having an affair and having it exposed, her having an affair…whatever…I feel it would be helpful if someone in my RL circle knew. Plus, Mom is generally able to handle this sort of thing, at least from the level of a letter. Not necessarily this blog. She’s been through stuff with Dad that is similar, I think. There’s no substitute for real wisdom. She knows me better than anyone, and is objective enough to give me a reality check if I need one.

    D.

  7. DH says:

    Interesting concept, Digger, but I sure as hell wouldn’t do it.

    I don’t even talk to my best friends about this blog and I sure as hell wouldn’t tell my mom about it.

  8. ~ anne says:

    if you have a good relationship with your mom and you can talk to her than i don’t think it is a bad idea to share some of your situation with her. i don’t think i would share this blog with her or the intimate details of what is going on, or better said, what is not going on. i think it is a good idea that someone close knows that you are struggling. she may indeed have the wisdom to help or she can certainly pray for you both.

    ~anne

  9. Lizzie says:

    I’d agree that sharing this with your mom could be a good thing. I know that if one of my sons was this miserable in his marriage I would want them to be able to come to me. Even if there isn’t anything I can do except lend an ear and a BiG HUG whenever possible. Reading your posts is becoming increasing painful as you become more and more unhappy. Arwyn owes you some type of explanation at this point. You could lay out the four options that Rob discussed and see just what she would like for you to do. Another suggestion would be to check with your county health department; there are some places that offer counseling services for free or on a sliding scale. Something is going to have to give or you’re gonna self destruct.

  10. C-Marie says:

    For me… I could never go to anyone else, family or not about the sexual issues I have with JM… I would suppose that there would be some that would give me valid support but looking at the bigger picture.. No, I wouldn’t want them to know about it. It remains between him and I and well… this blog.

  11. Soledad says:

    Is being married to Arwyn worth the masochistic lifestyle you’re leading? You’re just punishing yourself by staying with her.–>

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