Every Man’s Battle and The Penis Poke

09/28/2005

Wednesday

It seems that my traffic is getting a bit heavier, if comments are any indication. And since I’m not keeping a hit counter or looking at statistics that’s roughly how I judge. And by the emails I get.

I am a collector of stories by guys that bear any resemblance to mine. The comments, emails and blogs by these guys always inspire me. I’m empowered by the knowledge that even though they suffer, they continue on, and fight the good fight. We assemble and begin to coalesce, doing what men do and always do in the face of adversity: we fight side-by-side and shoulder to shoulder. We inspire each other, drive each other, challenge each other, and even compete with each other. But this is not a catty competition, where one vanquishes each other as in sport. This is a competition where we seek the common good. The one who makes it to the goal hoists the flag and rallies others around him to keep going; the end is near.

Fade to Numbness (FTN) is the newest on my blogroll. His story is just unfolding, so this is a good time to get in, otherwise it gets bothersome trying to read extensive archives and catching up. If he gets the spam taken care of, he’ll have a better idea of who his real audience is. Hopefully a growing readership will inspire him to keep going.

He wrote a recent post discussing his battles and victories over porn and masturbation. Something like 150 days. I’ve also written about this before but it needs to be covered more.

For Christmas, Arwyn bought me the book Every Man’s Battle by Fred Stoeker. This is the only Christian relationship book that I know that she’s read to the end. I’ve bought dozens, some on sex, but others on prayer for couples and basic Christian marriage. Arwyn has looked at few and finished none. Except this one somehow captured her imagination. This book details the struggle and strategies dealing with the issues of sexual temptation. Specifically, porn and masturbation. I would be VERY surprised if FTN hasn’t come across this book, himself. It wouldn’t be a bad idea, if he hasn’t already, to let his wife read it.

After Arwyn read this book, I got sex every week, like clockwork, for the next 7 weeks. It was wonderful and inspired me to be a better person. I felt like things were turning around. I imagined that I had an ally in my wife, for the struggle and endeavored to live up to greater standards of purity. I was ready to go to another level and go the distance. I stopped smoking, thinking that I needed to protect my health as my best days were ahead of me.

But it didn’t last. This bonanza faded, and sex decreased more and more and more. I re-introduced the cage in a valiant attempt to bridge the gulf between us. We had some discussions but they were fruitless. Arwyn became more and more manipulative on the few occasions we actually had sex. My efforts to please her were brushed off. I began to feel the old feeling: my touch was making her skin crawl.

Today, Arwyn is not an ally in my battle for spititual purity. She has joined the other side. Like Job’s wife, who told him he should just curse God and die, Arwyn seems to be absolutely fine with me jerking myself off as long as I’m not pestering her; as long as I just leave her alone.

And the reality is that we are on the brink of just that; me leaving her alone.

As Christians, we are enjoined to be in such a relationship that His grace is supposed to be sufficient. I can think of few situations where this concept is tested more for modern men than being tied and joined to a spouse who is unsupportive and unresponsive. And yet, this is the cross many of us are called to bear. It is difficult because it has the potential for being a life sentence of a sort. I could be in this position for the next 40 years!

“Love your neighbor as yourself…what, am I supposed to jerk him off, too?” – Rodney Dangerfield

I admire FTN’s perseverence and dedication to his faith and the Cause. As for porn, I can take it or leave it and mostly I leave it. But after having a prostate infection aggrevated by congestion, I’ll keep releiving mself until Arwyn can get with the program.

There’s some lively discussions concerning intitiation over at Tajalude’s place. This morning, my wife came in to the bedroom, presumably after sleeping on the couch which she does often. She didn’t sleep in her customary inverted position and actually got between the sheets. It was about 20 or so minutes before she had to get up anyway, so…

I snuggled up to her, with my arms around her. And an obvious erection poking her.

Yes, ladies, your favorite initiation move…the good ‘ole penis poke. For most guys, it at least doesn’t leave you wondering, even if the collective eyes are rolling. Not that I could have kept the thing down if I’d wanted to.

I gave her a snuggle and some small kisses and whispered in her ear, “I’ve missed you.”

“I was up all night.”

Most women keep and maintain a huge closet full of clothes and shoes and accessories. Part of the routine is to pick out what she is going to wear tbat day. Arwyn keeps and maintains a huge closet of excuses, and her routine seems to involve picking one out. Several, if they are available and match the occasion. While her statement might have been true, she has a seemingly endless supply she can fall back on. This one is good for a couple of days, since it gets her out of sex immediately, plus another day as she catches up and recuperates.

Okay. That was that, but since I wasn’t in my right mind I persisted a bit and she got out of bed and went in the shower. I mulled over the possibility of following her and joining her. I went in and brushed my teeth and shaved. Arwyn had finished her shower in record time, and already had the towel. She knew my mind.

So I went back to bed and proceeded to relieve my own frustration and congestion. letting her get on with her day.

So much for winning that battle.

D.

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3 Responses to Every Man’s Battle and The Penis Poke

  1. Square1 says:

    I sort of feel like I’m on the other side of the coin right now. Hubs came home and said that his mom told him that I might be slacking off on the houework out of discouragement because he’s not helping me. Call me crazy but I’m pretty sure I’ve told him as much myself in person and on the blog. But for some reason because it came from mom it’s a moment of revelation from him. He apologized, I forgave of course, but the proof will be in the pudding as to whether or not he will act on it. I’m not expecting a miracle.

    The other great revelation he had was part of the reason I feel and act like I’m going crazy is because we’ve never had any structure (or what I refer to as stability) no stable job, n stable home, no stable schedule… nothing. *Sigh* Again something I’ve told him in plain english… but because it came from mom… you fill in the blanks.

    I’m not angry or jealous of his mom. I love the woman dearly. I just wonder why it takes another woman to speak for me when I’ve already told him? What makes it so difficult to hear and believe what I am saying about the way I feel and what I want damn it!? Why will he believe another woman’s assumptions over what I’ve put before him as fact? I don’t know. In any case I’m glad his mom did say something, at least it makes me feel a little more normal to know that I am not the only one who has noticed these things.

    In any case I understand the temptations you speak of, where mine aren’t sexual in nature, mine is more of a temptation to get out and set up the stability I desire on my own, without the interference of someone else. It would be damned hard, but I could do it.

    On the other hand, I owe it to myself and to my children to stay and fight the good fight, and on my good days… I owe it to him too.

  2. square1, I’m probably in the same boat as your husband. A lot of things that my wife has told me in the past went in one ear and out the other. I never understood what she was saying untill I heard it from someone else. Don’t know why. At least he is now getting the point. See if he keeps the point.
    Digger sorry for hyjacking your Blog but had to comment. I don’t know how you sleep at night without your wife in bed. I toss and turn untill shes beside me.

  3. FTN says:

    I have heard of Every Man’s Battle, but have not read it. There are two other very good books that I would recommend reading with your wife (if she’ll agree): Intended for Pleasure by Ed Wheat, and A Celebration of Sex by Douglas Rosenau. The second one seems to be very interesting, although we haven’t read all of it yet.

    Thanks for your comments — I turned on comment verification earlier this week!

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