Back in the Tent

Back in the Tent

Arwyn is jealous. “Of who?” you might ask.

Of you.

She has no idea of who you are, but there is an awareness that my time and mind are spent elsewhere. She sees me reading my PDA and occasionally writing on it. My time on the computer isn’t as much because I can copy and paste my favorite reads onto my flash card fairly quickly and then read when and where I want. She has, in fact, come to richly dislike this thing.

Can’t blame her. Much. I mean this is where I go to vent, to share, to complain and to generally hobnob with a virtual playgroup. I vent my heart here and sometimes my spleen. You have all been mostly supportive. Afterall, you generally do the same thing. So there is a sort of intimate reciprocity in this place that I simply have not been able to find in my own house. If it were available, I would seek it there. In fact, much of this blog has been devoted to my attempts at getting it. But my strength and my will fail me.

The subtheme of the cage was one such attempt. As time goes on, a gulf seperates Arwyn and I. It gets deeper and wider as time goes on. The wider the chasm, the more frightening the prospect of swimming, bridging or jumping it becomes. The obstacle becomes too formidible. The cage provided the energy boost and the imperative I needed to get to the other side. As Satan once put it, I got so jizzed up, that I would do anything. And she is also the one to point out that without me making an effort, it was not going to happen. Arwyn has yet to reach out to me in trying to traverse these obstacles. Sometimes she hides behind them. Getting jizzed up enough turned me into some sort of relational Incredible Hulk, bashing down these barriers. “Don’t make me horny. You won’t like it if you make me horny!”LOL!

So there is no meeting half-way, here. Unless I am willing to carry the load (figuratively and literally) and go the entire distance, things only deteriorate further. And, yes, it does have an adverse effect on the boys.

This morning, she said it would be okay if our oldest camped out with me. He was So looking forward to it, and so was I. He only quit talking about it sometime early afternoon. So, Arwyn gave the boys their baths, and then proceeded to put them to bed. Huh? I reminded her that we had planned on camping out and she said no, with an obscene amount of hostility in her voice. As she made herself a bowl of cereal, I persued her, asking her what the deal was. She was mad at me about several things, among them not spending enough time with the boys.

“So you’re mad at me about not spending enough time with them, so when I want to spend time with them, you’ll say no.;

“Yeah, something like that.”

Egad.

Her other greivance happens to be that I haven’t applied to the Three Wishes people. Yeah. She pointed out that I should do it because I’m the better writer. Maybe so, but there is some inborn objection I have to her pimping out my writing ability. Maybe that is totally silly.

Alright, I’ll give it a shot. But she may not like it. But Hollywood might.

D.

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4 Responses to Back in the Tent

  1. amber says:

    I would really hope that the whole ‘Three Wishes’ is for something more important than just ‘we can’t pay our bills’…. I think a show like that is meant to help truely broken and needy people… and to reward those who have persevered thru the most unimaginable hard times… and not just on the whim of a bored/angry housewife… it should be something that benefits many well beyond just your household..we would all like an angel to pop in and make our wishes come true, but would you give your wish to someone truely more in need than yourself?… would she see anothers need beyond her own limited vision?

    and I thought it was only after a divorce that a wife can decide or limit a father’s time with his children… it boggles my mind to think you are still married, still in the same home and you aren’t “allowed” to do things with your sons?… this might sound tacky, but who is wearing the pants in your house? and how cruel is it to have someone angry, resentful, jealous calling the shots in your life?… I would say she is using your children to feed her anger and resentment to you… and anyone who is willing to manipulate and use small innocent children to hurt another really has issues and your children will end up paying the price in the long run… what will they think of you when they are teenagers and adults?… and just how warped and off will their views about you be after she has her run over them for years and years…. she apparently has little to no respect for men, will she even respect her sons? or will they become dreaded “MEN” and she turns on them too…

  2. Square1 says:

    This is definitely a control issue. It makes no sense for her to tell you that you don’t spend enough time time with your sons, and then turn around and refuse to let them sleep outside in the tent with you. This smacks more of “You don’t spend enough time with me.” Hubs and I have been going into a similar dynamc in this regard. He constantly went into his video game, and I was left twiddling my thumbs and getting mad because I wanted to spend time with him, everything else I wanted to do required going out and he had a problem with me going out by myself (bad nieghborhood, no car). So the video games and computer got to be a sore point with me. Now that I have my own computer, he expects me to be ready to spend time with him when he is ready to spend time with me, but often I am in the middle of my own relaxation, and it makes him as mad as it did me. It was ok for him to withdraw and lay down the boundary that he would not be there at my beck and call, but he does not like when the tables are turned. Seems Arwyn is in a similar situation. She can’t control you, but she can control what the children do. I don’t know it it’s really meant to punish you. It’s a distinct possibility, but it could have more to do with her grappling for a level of control instead of feeling she has none at all.

  3. Satan says:

    Why couldn’t you have stopped Arwyn from putting Son to bed and taken him outside? In front of Arwyn you could just say something like “Oh whoops, Mom forgot, you’re coming outside with me.” Challenge her controlling ways! It was already promised to him, so now she’s sorely disappointed the both of you and all for . . what?

    Did you not challenge her in an attempt to keep the peace or stay on her good side . . b/c I have ask . . is this really peace? Is this *really* her good side???

  4. Square1 says:

    I have to say I agree witrh Satan. (Boy that sounds really bad!) You should have challenged that right there. Why should your children sow ou any respect if she will not? It’s wrong for a person to be controlling, but there is the other side of the equation, it’s wrong for a person to allow themselves to BE controlled. The conrtoller is the one looked down upon because they are taking the aggressive action, but the other person’s passivity promotes that just as much.

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