I often get helpful suggestions and advice and always gain new insight from comments. A couple are standouts.
Dewdrop is a perennial favorite because I believe she represents a vastly under-represented population of LL women in the world of blogging. There are a fair number of ex-LL women about, and there is some hope to be gleaned there. But as Lizzie pointed out, if a woman is LL she is not going to think much about sex much, let alone write about it. But IF a LL person were to write about it, it would be in a similar vain as Dewdrop’s.
I asked what a LL wife expects her HL husband to do. Dewdrop said what I think a lot of women would say: wank it off and leave me alone! And I think that is a fair statement given the fact that LL people do not like to be bothered with sex and it is easier to pretend that it doesn’t exist if the HL partner isn’t pestering them all the time. And with almost any other activity, while it might be a problem, it isn’t a deal breaker. Confused Husband might like it if his wife went duck hunting with him, but he finds others who share his interest to go. K‘s boyfriend isn’t particularly into knitting, so she knits with other friends. Or they each hunt or knit alone. Not a problem, right? I’m sure you can see where I’m going.
If I don’t want to have sex alone and my chosen mate doesn’t care for it, why on earth do the LL’s howl bloody murder when a spouse decides to find or hire someone more willing? Would a sex surrogate be satisfactory? Then the HL no longer pesters you, and you can live virtually sex-free. That’s one less chore, one less worry, one less bit of pressure and one less bother. You can have all your sleep, an occasional kiss or cuddle, but the sex part is taken care of. No muss no fuss. Wouldn’t you sleep better at night knowing your chosen mate was being taken care of and being made happy and content? Wouldn’t it be better to know they were getting a primary need met, and you didn’t have to give up any sleep or leisure for it? You get to have your cake and eat it, too! You can have a supportive husband, but without the dreary responsibility of having sex with him.
One reason why this becomes unacceptable in such a marriage is that the balance of power would shift significantly away from the LL spouse. The LL always controls the sexual agenda. The sort, the frequency, the duration and the setting. Everything is dictated by the one with the most hangups and problems. In a severely CL relationship, this is a real issue. If the man decides to go elsewhere, now the LL woman has NO control.
I’m thinking control is a root of the problem. It follows the anorexic paradigm, where control is most often a primary issue. Just my thought at the moment.
Solo sex sows resentment, especially if it is an involuntary condition. I’d rather share intimacy with someone besides myself. And I do see intimacy and sex as being intertwined, at least for me.