It’s getting late and I don’t feel like getting all up into it. But Arwyn kept that date and I did have a nice time. Nothing terribly earth shattering or untypical (for us). Not a lot of deep discussion, either.
Whenever we have sex, it seems it is always some sort of ordeal. While there wasn’t any ordeals, per se, there are always issues. I thought about holding out, as Square1 suggested, but this encounter was less about her desire for me as much as her inuitively realizing that I was withdrawing to the outer limits. Sex is the quickest, most powerful means she has of bringing me back in. But she might have let me drift just a bit too far out. I miss real intimacy. I tried to spark some conversation that might be intimate, but nonsexual. I asked her what sort of marriage advice she’s give her neice who may some day get married.
“Know the guy real well make sure he is compassionate, caring and make sure he is the one.”
Okay. Not sure what I was expecting, but I was looking for something a bit more. So I asked her what advice she would give our two boys in finding the right girl. She said pretty much the same thing.
Periodically, I will try to probe into her mind just to see what is thinking. I just come out and ask her what she’s thinking. She then thinks a bit, and then makes up something, or so it seems. The point is, is that never once, EVER, has she ever asked me what I was thinking. She never turned the above questions around and asked me what I thought.
The thought that comes to mind, here, is that she really doesn’t care what I think, or doesn’t want to know. That’s not much of a recipe for intimacy, is it? Or is my thinking totally irrational on this?
I suppose that’s one reason why I like blogging. You voyeurs at least seem interested in my thoughts and opinions. We share and congregate about each other. Seems sharing in a sort of reciprocal=type exchange could foster some intimacy, providing that is the goal. How can a person relate to another without learning more about them?