Date Kept…

It’s getting late and I don’t feel like getting all up into it. But Arwyn kept that date and I did have a nice time. Nothing terribly earth shattering or untypical (for us). Not a lot of deep discussion, either.

Whenever we have sex, it seems it is always some sort of ordeal. While there wasn’t any ordeals, per se, there are always issues. I thought about holding out, as Square1 suggested, but this encounter was less about her desire for me as much as her inuitively realizing that I was withdrawing to the outer limits. Sex is the quickest, most powerful means she has of bringing me back in. But she might have let me drift just a bit too far out. I miss real intimacy. I tried to spark some conversation that might be intimate, but nonsexual. I asked her what sort of marriage advice she’s give her neice who may some day get married.

“Know the guy real well make sure he is compassionate, caring and make sure he is the one.”

Okay. Not sure what I was expecting, but I was looking for something a bit more. So I asked her what advice she would give our two boys in finding the right girl. She said pretty much the same thing.

Periodically, I will try to probe into her mind just to see what is thinking. I just come out and ask her what she’s thinking. She then thinks a bit, and then makes up something, or so it seems. The point is, is that never once, EVER, has she ever asked me what I was thinking. She never turned the above questions around and asked me what I thought.

The thought that comes to mind, here, is that she really doesn’t care what I think, or doesn’t want to know. That’s not much of a recipe for intimacy, is it? Or is my thinking totally irrational on this?

I suppose that’s one reason why I like blogging. You voyeurs at least seem interested in my thoughts and opinions. We share and congregate about each other. Seems sharing in a sort of reciprocal=type exchange could foster some intimacy, providing that is the goal. How can a person relate to another without learning more about them?

D.

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11 Responses to Date Kept…

  1. Rob says:

    Yep, reciprocal interest in each other is key – it takes 2 to tango. Then again, practice makes perfect and lack of practice (in either sex matters or in true give-and-take communication) makes it hard to get into it again. So lets ask this question. You tell us a lot about what your thoughts are about her. Would you be willing to bluntly, frankly, and honestly repeat these very same words to her – in full?

  2. ~ anne says:

    i had hoped you would be more happy and upbeat after sex with your wife.

    rather than waiting for her to ask what is on your mind you should just tell her. tell her and then ask her what she thinks. tell her that it is important to you to know what she’s thinking. don’t assume she doesn’t care what you think.

    sharing and learning is important for intimacy.

    ~anne

  3. Digger Jones says:

    No, Rob, I would not. Not if I was totally drug, high and wasted. At least not any hurtful words. You all are strangers and I don’t have to live with you.

    I’m just an entertainer.

    I have tried to convey the importance of sharing in every way I know how, Anne. True, maybe I should be more upbeat but it takes more than one orgasm to bring me back ’round. I will put it this way; I’m feeling better than I was a day or two ago. So that’s something!

    D.

  4. Victoria says:

    Perhaps you could say .. “I think… ” etc. And see if that sparks a dialog. But from what I read, she just isn’t interested in sex… The question is… is it just from you…or from any man.

  5. ~ anne says:

    i am glad you are feeling alittle bit better. i understand that one orgasm is not the answer to your difficulties.

    i certainly don’t pretend to understand your situation, there are only two people who really know what’s going on. any comments that i make are just that… comments, and they may not even be relevant.

    i guess i just want you two to make it.

    ~anne

  6. morgen z says:

    husband has called sex like that a band-aid fix. that is apparently what i used to do. wait until i sensed that things were not quite right, and then try to make them better with sex. not a theroy that i agreee with entirely, but nonetheless he is entitled to his opinion. at minimun the effort was there, i suppose.

  7. Square1 says:

    Hmmm… I’m happy you got something, but am a tad disappointed. I still think you should have held out. But then what do I know?

  8. C-Marie says:

    well I’m at least a bit relieved that something happened between you two but as I’ve been down that raod many many times, I defintely udnerstand your disappointment. I never can get a thought or projected feeling from JM – in fact last night I complimented on the way he smelled and looked after his shower… I got in response ” Isn’t that the guy from such & such movie?” ACK!

  9. C-Marie says:

    Ummm – obviously I can’t freakin spell today… my bad. I’ve been up way too long already. *sigh*

  10. Leela Lamore says:

    I was told when I moved in; in no uncertain terms by Phoenix that sex was not a bartering tool. Should I ever refuse sex I must expect the consequences i.e. he WILL go look for it else where. I married him knowing this and yes Digger we do have a pact of daily sex not in writing but I know the consequences of refusal. If I am not in shape down there then I am expected to perform in other ways – anal or oral. I do NOT see this as a problem as I agreed to marry this man with his set of rules. I respect them fully and honestly believe as I mention numerous times in my blog that it works for us.

    This sounds harsher than it is but I respect my husband and I respect his requirements, for that I am kept as a very happy secure wife. It works as a two way street when the pressure is off and you know you have to make your man sexually happy ever single day there is no longer pressure. You are right women feel after the wedding band has been put on their finger that that is the end to having to keep their husbands happy … I totally disagree I feel that is when a woman should make damn sure her husband is kept totally happy in every respect not just sex. I owe my way of life to this man I should damn well make sure I keep what I have by keeping him ecstatically in love with me.

  11. Square1 says:

    Perhaps I’m misunderstanding Leela… because at least in the point of what you are trying to accomplish I agree… but daily as a requirement? OR HE WILL LOOK ELSEWHERE? Crimenetly! That almost makes it sound like keeping his pecker happy is more important to him than you are. I’m probably incorrect but that is the sort of thing an ultimatum like that communicates to most people.

    It almost sounds with the requirement of if not in shape down yonder you are EXPECTED to perform otherwise makes it into a chore and not something enjoyable. Let’s see… must wash dishes, must do laundry, must take out trash, must give hubs a blowjob because I have an infection. Hmmmm…

    It sounds unreasonable to me for him to expect that you’ll willingly and aggressively have sex with him every day, not that he expects sex on a regular basis as part of having his needs met.
    But then what I consider reasonable frequency (2-3 times a week, more if I can swing it) some women would say was unreasonable. Just depends on the couple and their situation I suppose.

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