The Hunted

08/22/2005

Monday

Day 10

2 more days

For those keeping score at home, you’ll note the extra day remaining, meaning some time has been added. Arwyn was not the one adding the time, though. It was me. I actually added 12 hours, otherwise the clock would have wound down at about 10:00 at night, which would have been totally inconvenient for seeing if Arwyn is interested in (or willing to) getting involved since she’s been turning in closer to 9:00 EDT. So it’s set for going off earlier in the day, Wednesday I think. But we’ll see.

She did get the email, but has not reacted in any way to it. And I have not pushed her for a reply. I’m going to see how it plays out. Wait and see. Frankly I am not overly optimistic. Her history of standing me up is so extensive; it is virtual emotional suicide to anticipate her coming through in the clutch. I’ll take a pleasant surprise over yet another rejection and abandonment.

Hence flirtation, fascination and fantasization with someone else. The Lioness, who is yet not properly named. And maybe she never will be, but we work close enough together on a daily basis that she warrants some attention. And she admires and respects me.

Ladies. I can not stress this enough, that respect and admiration are the two most precious commodities you can give your man. Lose either or both of those, and you risk losing him to someone else who will fulfill those needs in your stead. There is *always* a lioness out there who is prowling, stalking, crouching and preparing to pounce. You did it once yourself. Now someone else who is leaner, hungrier and yes, younger, is ready to take away what you have been taking for granted. Every day that a man walks out of his house unappreciated, disrespected and ignored is another opportunity for the lioness as his resolve, his strength and his faith weakens. She has nothing but time. Time spent learning about him; studying him and calculating the best time and place to make her move. Time spent away from you, the one who has supposedly pledged to love, honor and cherish. As long as the one at home refuses to contend for his life, he is all but doomed.

I can hear the hissing and the quick intake of breathe from those who would challenge me. “What? Isn’t HE responsible for his actions? Isn’t he the one who should be protecting the family’s interests? Isn’t this just excusing irresponsible behavior? And what about ME?”

It is true that when the moment of truth comes, he will be the one who makes the choice to give in or not. He has the final say. The woman at home will have no say at that time, because she’s already had opportunity to make her case and stake her claim. Will her claims be honored? How diligent has she been in making her case? Will her arguments be found wanting?

Trouble me not with platitudes about how one should not have to make a case or stake a claim! The reality is that everywhere you turn; you have interests competing for each other. You need to defend what you value from those who would steal it, else run the risk of being robbed! While it is against God’s law to covet a neighbor’s stuff, people do it all the time. That’s why there is a law against robbery! And the person who is coveted? How are they supposed to feel?

There is also a stringent command against adultery. In Old Testament times, it was a capital offense. So a person is not excused just because they are being hunted. The adulterer courts death of a sort, but doesn’t an unresponsive partner also have some responsibility? I think the case could be made that such a person would at least be an accessory to murder, for weakening a person to a point where they felt so enticed and compelled to take such a risk.

I need to think more on this. I will, and you’ll most certainly be reading more about it.

D.

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12 Responses to The Hunted

  1. Square1 says:

    I’m not sure I like where this is going… it sounds too much like Adam in the garden turning and blaming Eve for giving him the fruit when he was standing there the whole time listening to Satan seduce her.

    Each partner contributes to problems in the relationship. This is true, usually in equal shares… but then there is the step beyond… and friend… it sounds as if you’re contemplating it. Where a man’s heart is his feet will follow… ring a bell? As a man thinketh so he is? You’re flirting with disaster. Either you want to save this marriage… or you don’t.

    Many would not blame you for seeking intimacy elsewhere with the state of your marriage. To a degree I can not say I would either… but Digger… at least have the decency to break it off with Arwyn. The deciet will only be more destructive in the end… for all of you.

  2. Square1 says:

    I guess the other thought that comes to mind too Digger… is that where Arwyn may not be guarding you as her prized posession from the outside world… you too can be responsible for guarding your heart and your marriage. That’s what marriage is sometimes picking up for one another’s slack. You know you are in a state where you can be easily seduced. Aren’t we all? Is that not why we are instructed to put on the full armor of God? “Marriage On The Rock” deals in a chapter on building alone. You might find it helpful.

    There is a choice for you here. Take the high road in hopes that the rewards will be worth it in the end, or go after instant gratification, and annihilate what little hope of intimacy there may be with your wife. You’ve worked so hard to build, don’t tear it down with your own hands. Arwyn is not responsible for the choice you make ultimately. She is accountable for her lack of attentiveness, but not where you choose to go from here. Don’t decieve yourself into thinking that she will be culpable for your decision. A robber is not looked upon in a more lenient light because someone else drove the get-away car for him. They are responsible for their own decision to contribute to the crime, but ultimately it is the one who commits the crime that has the burden of accountability.

  3. Dewdrop says:

    What can I say? Square1’s comments I completely agree with.

  4. C-Marie says:

    This entry left me picking up my chin off the floor.

    I can totally relate to what it is you’re embarking upon. After all, there’s someone who’s showing a genuine interest in you. It makes you feel good, it makes you feel attractive.

    I have to say tho’ it’s a gamble. A high stakes risk. Ultimately you won’t be a winner in the end if you allow this to go too far.

    Take care of yourself, D~ You have much support here.

  5. Satan says:

    Ooh, I love it. For all your condescending remarks about ‘conventional thinking’ . . are you happier with these thoughts?

    Join the Dark side, buddy.

  6. Rob says:

    Well I’ve mentioned counseling in the past, not that I believe that Digger much believes in it, but I will say this about him – he is a human being – and all normal human beings have a basic tendency to want to be loved. So I can see how any person (man or woman) would sooner – or later – get totally fed up and dispairing if this requirement was no longer being met. So it’s not too surprising that other temptations can eventually surface. Face it people, none of us walk in his shoes and each case is different. What we read here may only be the tip of the iceberg in his marriage situation. And yes, we all as normal human beings subconciously, if not conciously, seek happiness. That all said however Digger, the ladies are correct in their views. It is naive sometimes to think that you by yourself can tough this situation out with your wife all alone, cage or no cage. So ego etc notwithstanding, I really think you and her need professional help, and not just from us amateur blogging therapists. Think about it, ok?

  7. So Gone says:

    I can completely understand putting your ALL into a relationship, doing everything the other person suggests that they want/need, and to not have your basic needs met in return. I also understand what it’s like to meet someone who is very willing to meet those needs for you, in any way possible.

    Obviously, I completely understand where you are coming from, but you have so much more to lose than me if you are caught. Think about that.

    Oh, and what about men? Don’t men owe their wives some admiration and respect? Isn’t it disrespectful to commit adultery?

  8. ~ anne says:

    this shocked me.

    i think now is the time to have a serious discussion with your wife. i have been on both sides of this issue and it isn’t pretty.

    you do need to think about this… a lot

    ~anne

  9. morgen z says:

    your singing my song…

    i think digger has a very good point actually. the more a man feels ignored, lonely, and as though his needs are not being met, the more likely he will be to subcumb to another woman, should there be one around that is paying attention to him.

    problems are a 2-way street in any relationship. we are all weak, we are all human, and just like you said in one of your own comments to my blog, we just want to feel needed and love. i don’t imagine you feel much of that, at least not in the ways you’d perfer to feel it.

    in many ways your seneriao mirrors what i know about husband’s affair… i wasn’t meeting needs.. he was lonely, bored, he didn’t tell me how he was feeling, a new girl gave him attention, was attracted to him, and the ball started rolling from there. happens all the time probably.

    mz

  10. aphron says:

    I’ll agree that it is human nature to want to be loved. When things are not going well with Wife, I tend to have a “roving eye.” I do not think I would ever actually do it, but the my thinking about an affair is bad enough. The wake of destruction it would cause (children, financial, etc.) would be too horrible to contemplate.

    Yes, the wife has a lot to do with it, but we are creatures of free will.

  11. The Odd Wife says:

    Damn, have I been there. Not as the Hunted or the Lioness, but as the wife.

    It may not be “fair” or “right” but you spoke true to human nature. I was there and I was left picking up the pieces of my heart.

    It’s a shame men don’t remember that the same is true of their wives.

    There are Lions on the prowl too…

  12. Dusty says:

    It’s taken me a while to find your blog again. I’m glad that I have, and am quite surprised to read about the Lioness. I didn’t think you would consider going there.

    I’ve been on both sides. I was the Lioness a few years ago, and managed to pounce on and capture my current husband. Things haven’t been going well with us lately, and now he’s off to “the office” for the second time this weekend. Might there be another Lioness in the wings? I don’t know yet.

    I *do* know that your words about respect and admiration really hit home for me. I haven’t felt either of those for him lately. Thanks for hitting me upside the head. I needed it.

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