Annversary Update

08/05/2005

Friday

I might be bad about proofreading but decided to leave that spelling there just to mess with your minds.

Wednesday was our anniversary. The first test of any Arwyn-based holiday is finding a proper card. I used to make my own on the computer, but our printer isn’t working properly. Arwyn’s birthday being within a week of our anniversary has some benefits, among them being the fact that I can pick up both cards at the same time. There have been years when I have struggled to find the card that reflected my sentiments. Many of those years, I was so trapped in bitterness and resentment that it was difficult to even look at them without laughing or crying.

This year was much easier, though. First of all, I was locked in the cage at the time, so was feeling more romantic and less bitter. I had more genuine sentiments that were reflected in the romantic cards. Second, even without the cage I can genuinely feel warm thoughts about her. I can be angry, hurt and resentful but I still love my wife. I think this is a positive and recent development. I can do this.

The card expressed a sentiment that even though we don’t get a chance to do all the things we want because of the business and stresses of life, she is still loved as my one and only. Somewhere it also expressed a longing to be with her and share happiness. These were genuine thoughts of mine and I knew it was the right card as soon as I picked it up. It was also the first one I picked up. I looked at many others, but this was the one.

On Wednesday morning, I put the card by the computer desk where she could find it. She woke me up with a hug and kiss wishing me a happy anniversary. We hugged like that for a couple of minutes before getting on with our day. She asked me what I wanted for dinner and I suggested a goulash-type dish that was both easy to make, and acceptable to at least one of the boys.

After work, I stopped by the store to get her caramel-coconut candy she likes. Arwyn is not big on candy, especially chocolate, but she does really like these things. I pick them up occasionally for no reason just for her and decided to go the easy route this day.

When I got home, Arwyn was making baked spaghetti which is actually more of a favorite of mine but harder to make. But both boys ate some of it, so it was a hit.

I went in the bedroom to change my clothes and there on my side of the bed was a book with a bow on it. No card, but I knew it was for me. Maybe I should have bought her something more…like one of those electric bathroom scumbusters or a digital bathroom scale.

The name of the book?

The Busy Mom’s Make It Quick Cookbook.

Filled with easy, nutritious, quick recipes.

Okay.

I work full time while she stays home with both boys in school. I go to school. I do all things in the yard including a growing fruit orchard and two raised-bed vegetable gardens. I mow a half acre yard using a push mower. And yes, I still do most of the cooking.

Maybe she got it for free.

I sort of jokingly asked if she’d bought herself a new book. “It’s on your side of tbe bed.” she replied.

“But it says Busy Mom!”

Humor. Arrr! Arrr!

Maybe I was being overly sensitive. I might have a submissive streak but I’m not sissy, ponyboy material. It just ain’t me. Maybe it could be, but we are not even close to that stage, yet. It just didn’t sit well with me.

This is just the beginning of the evening. There’s more good stuff in store.

We had a pound cake that was leftover from one of the boy’s birthdays and then went into the bed and bath routine. Actually, she usually does this while I do dishes and clean the kitchen…busy mom that I am.

I actually did go out and mowed that lawn afterwards. I hadn’t intended on doing it all, but as the evening grew cooler the idea of going out later and finishing it grew more daunting. So I completed it well before it was dark. I came in and Arwyn was getting ready for bed. I took a shower and shaved. When I emerged from the bathroom, Arwyn was laying in bed. Clothed, with her throw rug and in that inverted sleep position. I laid down in the opposite and correct position and we talked a bit about the kids, our money issues and other mundane things. The conversation never got too heated. We were just talking. Finally I hugged her legs and began kissing my way up her legs. My hand wandered beneath her blanket/rug upwards toward her chest. She promply moved my hands. She got tense as I moved upwards and was actively pushing. I backed off and we talked some more about money issues and she indicated this was a source of tension for her. This time I went ahead and pushed harder. She commented about how I was being difficult. I told her, “I’d rather be loving than fighting, but if it’s fighting you want, that’s fine, too.”

I then made another attempt at initiating with predictable results. “Are we ever going to have sex again?” I asked. She never answered. I asked her if she’d rather I had an affair. She still gave no answer. I asked her what she wanted me to do. She didn’t know but acknowledged we were on a negative trajectory. She complained again about back pain and then complained about her head hurting.

And that was about it. Nothing too exciting and only a small amount of drama.

It was about 11:35 when she went to sleep. I got up and fiddled around on the computer until 1 or 2. And stayed up last night until 2 or so. I still wake up before 6:30 for work and don’t have problems being awake so the loss of sleep doesn’t have that big of an effect on me.

I guess it is time to learn a new lesson. Or to get even more kinked and twisted. I suppose the Freudians would say that is the price of repression. The inner conflicts have to manifest themselves some way. Sublimating them in the form of a fetish of some sort seems almost inevitable, given my penchant for the odd and bizarre.

I want to be a caring, loving and faithful husband. It is my highest goal. I guess it is part of being a sexual being; it demands expression.

D.

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8 Responses to Annversary Update

  1. morgen z says:

    my heart feels a lot of sadness for what you face day after day. You are strong in your convictions and morals, despite the disappointments. It does seem as though A made some effort, but the efforts and needs just don’t match up very well.

  2. This post has been removed by the author.

  3. Your approach is clearly not working. I don’t know if any approach would.

    As long as divorce is not even a remote option then you appear to have absolutely no power in your relationship.

    Jay

  4. Or maybe I’m overstating the case.

    One thing I will add- If you cook then a cookbook gift seems entirely appropriate, not as any sort of diabolical plot but just as something useful.

    Jay

  5. C-Marie says:

    I totally can feel your frustration…seems as though it is a case of “damned if you do/damned if you don’t.”

  6. Rob says:

    Let’s face reality D, nothing that you do or think or rationalize will result in your wife wishing to have sex, whether she still does it alone or not being a mute point. So, cage or not, you have only 2 options IMHO, either give up sex entirely for the rest of your life (which is not practical) or look for it elsewhere (whether alone or with another). This does not however imply that you need divorce her but rather that you be true to your self, which in turn results in you being a better *contented* individual for your wife and kids.

  7. Rob says:

    Let’s face reality D, nothing that you do or think or rationalize will result in your wife wishing to have sex, whether she still does it alone or not being a mute point. So, cage or not, you have only 2 options IMHO, either give up sex entirely for the rest of your life (which is not practical) or look for it elsewhere (whether alone or with another). This does not however imply that you need divorce her but rather that you be true to your self, which in turn results in you being a better *contented* individual for your wife and kids.

  8. Rob says:

    Sorry for the double posting – looks like blogger is being an ass again (lol)

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