It’s Not Entirely Unselfish

July 28, 2005



Over the past 4 days, Arwyn and I have had our affectionate moments and not any real fights or conflicts, which does mean something. True, me being in chastity is not going to do much to increase the quantity of our sexual encounters although historically it really has. What being locked up for extended periods of time does for me is to increase the quality of every encounter.

Anyone who has spent an extended period of time ramped up with sexual desire and deprived of an orgasm can vouch for the power involved in the eventual release. This is what foreplay is all about. It’s about increasing the potential energy like stretching a rubber band more and more. The tighter the rubber band is stretched, the more energy involved in the eventual relaease.

Women seem to be able to go without indefinitely provided there is no cause for being aroused. For men, the biological imperative alone is powerful enough to keep things from gettting too settled and stale in most cases. Even the men who aren’t initiating sex with their partners are seeking out porn and other forms of stimulation.

Being locked in chastity keeps that energy building and compounding over a longer period of time. If I’m locked up for a week, that means there is the potential for a week’s worth of foreplay. Ever done a week’s worth of foreplay? Most men don’t give more than 10 minutes, if any. With that biological imperative for release as quick as possible driving a man, it is in his nature to be goal driven where his partner may be more process driven. Once a man has his orgasm it is all but over as his body is flooded with relaxation and contentment. It’s all about him and his body, his feelings, his goals and his orgasm.

Chastity changes that dynamic entirely. Now it becomes about the partner’s approval, happiness, contentment and joy. Make a man less selfish and he will more loving.

I’m coming out this weekend, with or without Arwyn’s participation. After my doctor’s appt. on Monday I might go back in for another week to 10 days. I’m thinking about going for a run at a new personal record of 3 weeks. Whew! I’m filling up my cage just thinking about it!

Okay, so it’s not entirely unselfish. I richly enjoy the frustration of a good tease. I enjoy feeling my own body ramping up with desire and sensuality. I enjoy the crisper vision that my increased sensuality affords. Colors take on brighter hues, smells are more vibrant, voices more harmonic and touches are more electric. My mind, usually a paragon of rational, aloof and logical virtues becomes bent into a more empathetic, intuitive and relational attitude. It’s as if my sensual and sexual powers become otherwise redirected. This is exactly what tantric practioners are after.

I’m noticing that it is taking longer for me to climb to that level. Arwyn is generally not keen to tease and any suggestion to do so is met with a face as if I’m a pervert. Okay, I am a pervert but she sees it as a bad thing. This lends yet more creedance to her being a sexual anorexic. I can guilt and pressure her into sexual performance but that isn’t supposed to be what an intimate relationship is about.