Chastity: What it is and isn’t

07/27/2005

Wednesday

Sorry I’m not able to comment as much as I ought. I was busy doing a birthday production.

I do try to read everyone, though.

I try to couch answers to comment questions in subsequent entries, so as to not drop the ball entirely, but I do wish I could do a more personal job of it.

I think I need to talk a bit about what chastity is and what it is not for some of the guys who especially seem to struggle with this concept.

First off, this is not punishment. Chastity could be used as punishment, but the rule of the road is that it is strictly consensual. There is no such thing as a device that is totally secure as anyone with a dremmel tool or bolt cutter can easily escape. A lot of guys fantasize about such a device, but we are in because we want to be in. We can be compelled to be in for extended periods of time for punishment but in the end we choose to agree.

Chastity is not the same as sexual celibacy or abstinance. When abstaining, it is generally seen as avoiding sex altogether in the same way an alcoholic avoids alcohol. Abstainence is not a virtue. It is a strategy to avoid something that is usually or potentially bad. Celibacy is similar in that it implies sexual abstainence, or generally avoiding sex. Neither of these are particularly virtuous because they only involve certain behaviors. You can be celibate and still fuck as many women, men or animals as you want inside of your head.

Chastity, OTOH, involves the head as much as the rest of the body. In marriage it involves the singularity of thought and focus on one and only one partner. While celibacy and abstainence are good concepts for preventing pregnancy, STD’s and general sinful whoremongering, these do little to cultivate character. Chastity involves the promotion and cultivation of devotion, loyalty, and disciplined thought. Chastity in marriage is a move towards greater intimacy, not keeping it at arms distance.

I suppose one would argue that this is all well and good, but shouldn’t one be able to do this without a locked cage around your cock? True, one should be able to resist the entire spectrum of sins ranging from greed, gluttony, envy and malice. But we still have jails, diet pills, safes and mace to guard against them. Reality is that it’s easier talking about resisting some of these than actually doing them.

A cock cage is a heavy deterrent, plus a near constant reminder as to its own purpose. It is a functional extension of a wedding ring.

My strategy was never to punish Arwyn by making myself inaccessible to her. The strategy has always been aimed at lowering her anxiety and opposition and increasing her enjoyment. If she wouldn’t play with me by having sex, I’m trying to turn it into something fun about NOT having sex!

It’s a bonafide kink. I’m not necessarily a pony boy or sissy maid, as I could just as easily be a top. Part of what goes with this kink is a love of contradictions. There is pleasure in my pain. There is dread in my anticipation. There is marvelous reassurance in my anxiety. I reluctantly lock up while feeling compelled and drawn to do it. I savor the deliciousness of my frustration. I long to indulge my selfish fantasy of serving and submitting.

This is a journey to my innermost thoughts and feelings. It is a sort of spiritual sensuality. A divine hell of a sort. A blessed curse. Or a cursed blessing.

A body that is into selfish and instant gratification will not get it and will not tolerate this sort of thing. If jacking off is working for you, stick with that. Most men do poorly with orgasm on demand. They become self-indulgent, selfish bastards. Men also do poorly with neglect, as they can just as easily justify becoming selfish bastards. Either way is a sure and short path to resentment.

This is the kink of contradictions and internal conflicts. Lots of BDSM folks would probably fall into that category, altho I don’t consider myself a real part of that scene. Of course I’m a bit off my rocker for being into this. That’s why it’s called a KINK! If everyone understood, then they’d all be into it and then I’d just be as vanilla as the rest of you. And then what would I have to blog about?LOL!

I really am enjoying some of the bug-eyed responses from newer folks, tho. I mean most of my readers seem to be pretty open and intelligent. Those who came in from Sensual Dementia had some idea of what was coming up. Those who didn’t read my earlier blog and previous post on the subject really are getting their money’s worth! If you haven’t, go back and read that post because it does describe how my very vanilla self discovered and got into this kink.

Once y’all recover from shock, I do hope you can appreciate and enjoy the story.

D.

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4 Responses to Chastity: What it is and isn’t

  1. Lucky Me says:

    Chastity is HOT. That’s all I really have to say about it. haha

  2. Rob says:

    I dunno Digger, I read what you say about Chastity and all I can figure out is that it’s a kink more for yourself but doesn’t affect your wife one way or another to any noticeable extent (I may be wrong here but your posts haven’t explicitly given me a reason to think otherwise). That said, I also wonder if long prolonged Chastity doesn’t in some way contradict a married man’s basic fundamental human nature. If not then why marry in the first place or even stay married when living as a single monk (of sorts) would basicly result in the same solitary lifestyle. I suppose love alone (without any sex at all) is a valid reason to stay married (and here I’m in your camp, if so) but it still feels like nothing different will result from using a cage or not using a cage, insofar as married sexual relations with your wife are concerned. Am I missing something in my thinking here? Is your goal to gradually wean your need off sex with your wife, rather than to try to gradually entice her into having some sex with you?

  3. Lucky Me says:

    I think it’s just the fact that digger wants to be close to this wife, and the cage enables her to be sure that if she decides to be closer to him, there is no obligation of sex.

  4. Randy says:

    Thanks, you sound just like I have often felt. Although I haven’t figured out a way to share it with my wife for 45 years. She makes any hint of kink which she hears sound like a form of insanity to be laughed at or about.
    Randy

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