Sexual Anorexia

I knew I wasn’t nuts. As it turns out, some mighty smart people are all over this. Smarter than me, even. Feel like I might be barking up the wrong banana tree? Let’s see…

The grand poo bah of sexual addiction issues is a fellow by the name Dr. Patrick Carnes. See what he has to say about it in an excellent article and then check out his book.

Here’s another good press release on the subject.

Feel like reading a FAQ on the subject?

Take this quiz and see how you or your partner scores?

What I was startled to find was that many of these items listed as symptoms are similar to my Top Ten list. There are even elements of my other article involved in this.

A couple of salient features: A lot of sexual addicts are also sexual anorexics. Read the Carnes’ article to see how that can be true. A lot of sexual addicts are married to sexual anorexics. That came as a sort of surprise to me.

There’s lots of room for self-reflection on both sides of this issue. I’m still researching and thinking. Stay tuned for more.

D.

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6 Responses to Sexual Anorexia

  1. I read the articles, am thinking about ordering the book and I took the test… I live with a sexual anorexic. I feel empty.

  2. Square1 says:

    I find it odd though Digger. I know from what you’ve described the things described ring true with you on a pretty constant basis. But they are so broad, so generalized. I would like to see more in depth research and information on the subject before going and slapping a lable on the situation. It does indeed sound very much like what you were going through. But I think any married person reading through that list could slap that lable on their partner at any given time. Just a thought.

  3. Digger Jones says:

    You seem to be mighty skeptical, Square, which is a healthy and good thing. Consider this: Is there such a thing as sexual addiction? An addiction is an unhealthy fixation on something that might be naturally reinforcing, such as food, sex, gambling, drugs, alcohol or whatnot. The anorexic and the addict are both in the grip of this, where one is attracted and the other repulsed…two opposite poles of the same magnet, so to speak. Both are being ruled and destroyed by a similar mechanism. Sexual addiction and sexual anorexia are labels, but labels help us to properly orient ourselves towards treating it. In this case, we know that it is:
    -Persistent
    -Treatable
    -Damaging
    -Real

    “Depression” is a label for an illness. You know what you are without that label? A whiny-assed selfish cry-baby who needs to just GET OVER IT! But when you are clinically depressed, you have a condition that matches my above criteria. Anyone can be depressed, but clinical significance is measured in severity, duration and effect. If you are contemplating suicide or homocide, that is severe. If it lasts days, weeks and months, that is a long duration. If it is destroying you marriage, that is a pretty significant effect.

    When studying abnormal psychology, I had Arwyn identified with probably 2 dozen different psychopathologies. Until I discovered that each of them has a “partner” so to speak, in that a pathologically dysfunctional person always marries another one. So if she has something wrong, I probably have a “companion” psychopathology that drew us together and keeps us together. And that should sober off any married person from casually slapping a label on their spouse.

    D.

  4. Rob says:

    D, you comment “So if she has something wrong, I probably have a “companion” psychopathology that drew us together and keeps us together.” So if that’s the case then what is yours? Has it always existed for both of you, from the very beginning of your marriage? If not, then what caused them to surface over the years? And finally, all you have said is well and good but what do the experts say is the cure, if any, to what ails you both?

  5. Lucky Me says:

    I think I sexually binge! haha There are times when I get it like in mass amounts.. and then times when I just don’t. Its all subconsious though.

  6. Square1 says:

    Oh I’m not saying that the condition doesn’t exist. I’m sure it does. There is definitely a such thing as sexual addiction, and where there is one extreme there is always an equal and opposite one. In your case it really sounds like this is what your going through with Arwyn. But I am wary of this becoming a default diagnosis that unqualified people slap on their spouses and throw out in arguements. The old, “It’s all your fault! You’re the one with the problem.” You’re smart enough to realize that if indeed Arwyn is dealing with this particular psychoses or whatever you want to call it, there’s something in your make-up and behavior as well that is allowing it to exist and work. Not everyone is that smart.

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