LL vs. Anorexia

07/19/2005

Tuesday

One of my problems is that while I’m intellectually aware of how a LL feels and have discerned the internal conflict they face (in no small part thanks to Dewdrop’s contributions) I simply fail to wrap my mind around it. I have a major difficulty seeing that it is anything other than some form of mental illness. If things are working properly, a body ought to be craving sex on a regular basis. Sexual anorexia isn’t any healthier than the food-type. And like Lindsey Lohan, our sexual anorexics can’t seem to get a grip on how their abnormally low appetites adversely affect their own health not to mention the health of their suffering marriage.

Like grabbing Ms. Lohan by the shoulders and telling her to just eat something, it seems equally futile to tell a LL to just have sex. In both cases, the person being asked to do a thing might eventually reap the benefits of reinforcement they are just as likely to resent the hell out of it.

Sexual anorexia is such a good analogy that I think I’m going to study it further. There are some striking similarities between anorexia and LL from what I know already:

-Most sufferers are women

-Most have a poor body image

-Most are prone to being crabby

-Most are in denial about their disorder

-Most think their practice is normal

-Most of them ritualize

I want to talk about that last one a bit more. Anorexics generally have some sort ritual surrounding their eating habits. Some may only eat certain foods, some hold their fork a certain way, some don’t let their lips touch the fork. Their eating habits sometimes border on the absurd and compulsive, such as chewing each bite 100 times or only chewing on one side of their mouth.

And so it seems with our sexual anorexics. I’ve heard more than one person complain about how the sex proceeds only one way each and every time. In Arwyn’s case, it always must start with a back and shoulder rub for her. Always. Over the years, she has altered it somewhat. She used to lay on her stomach naked or half naked, which I loved. Now she doesn’t take off any clothes until it is absolutely necessary. We also have to have a towel to clean up any mess before things proceed.

She does not deviate from the the backrub ritual…ever. Even a handjob is preceded by a backrub for her. I like touching her and if that’s what it takes to get her to tolerate my touch, I’m fine with it. It is not a destructive ritual, but nonetheless it reflects the controlling and rigid aspect of the LL lifestyle.

Just as anorexics try to fake eating by pushing food around on their plates, their LL sisters are faking orgasms just to get the deed over with.In fact, I suspect the anorexic approaches eating situations similarly to how a LL approaches sexual situations. They will make excuses, they will become defensive and will generally avoid situations where some sort of performance is expected.

All of this is qualified against the troublesome phenomenon of men with seemingly LL. These guys may have similar issues of control as their LL sisters but I can’t speak to how accurately they fit any other comparisons I’ve made above. I’m not even sure the rare male anorexic fits in with the women and girls that have it. Others can speak to that until I research it more.

D.

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6 Responses to LL vs. Anorexia

  1. Lucky Me says:

    That is a great comparison! Very logical.

  2. Dewdrop says:

    It’s a strange comparison. I used to suffer from anorexia nervosa. It was rather a control thing, when you feel so helpless it’s something you actually are able to control. At least it was for me, I think, looking back on it. Very sadly destructive. I have to say that I beg to differ about comparing food and sex – there are similarities but it’s NOT the same entirely at all. Just my opinion. It gets deeper doesn’t it?

  3. aphron says:

    Could the entire issue be a control issue? Someone with a low libido can help us out.
    Could it be a person with a low libido has too little testosterone? I think answer may prove to be as much physiological as psychological.

  4. Tajalude says:

    I think it’s definitely all about control. As has been stated before, the LL controls the amount of sex, the method, everything. But I see the anorexia as being purely about self control and control over one aspect of your life… with the LL, the LL person is controlling the entire couple, and it’s more than just sex. It’s EVERYTHING having to do with intimacy. Not sure if it’s the same or not.

  5. Square1 says:

    I think in some ways the HL crowd here is trying to find intent where there may be none. I don’t think a LL person wants control of sex. It just seems (Dew help me out if I’m wrong here) that they just wish sex wasn’t an issue… that they didn’t have to deal with it. Occassionally it might be nice, but in a hobby-ish sort of way that they lack interest in.

    With-holding to accomplish something (something I utterly despise) or putting out as a bargaining chip… that is about using control. If it was a control issue, Arwyn would have jumped all over the chastity cage.

    The rituals and such I think have little do with control and more to do with how far they are willing to move out of their comfort zone. The fact that Arwyn HAS to have a back rub before any sexual encounter, screams to me that she is looking to find some sort of comfort zone that includes you Digger.

    The possibilities as to why a person can be LL are endless. Sometimes it’s a physical problem. Sometimes it’s bad programming from the way they were raised. Sometimes it’s a physiological problem (yes there are differences). Sometimes it can be a general discontent with something in your life or with yourself. I’ve gone through LL trends myself, though I don’t believe I’ve ever truly been LL. There’s obvious discontent on both sides in the marriage and a serious lack of good will. I don’t see much about WHY you love your wife, digger. No offense. I don’t see much in regards to what makes you so determined to keep this marriage together. What I’ve seen you offer up seems… trivial… and she probably does sense that lack of admiration and good will if it’s not being expressed in real ways, as much as you’re experiencing the same frustration at the lack of interest and honor from her. I only know what you’ve posted here. I’m not qualified to make such a diagnosis on your marriage… but am simply speculating on what knowledge I do have.

    All great things start small. Fireworks are made from thousands of tiny grains of gun powder (or now a days Kordite). One single grain looks tiny and insignificant. Get a bunch together and you have something beautiful.

  6. C-Marie says:

    I’m not sure if I see it as being about control either. I think it’s something that they absolutely feel they don’t need. For us HL people, we beg to differ because we’re nearly victimized by the LL – so why not make the comparison? We want answers, we want change and we want the hope in all of that. Of course the LL feels that they are justified in that “the lack of” is normal – just as we justify that our constant want is normal.
    It has to go much deeper than that as I think about it – my HL is purely out of desire, want and emotional need. Why wouldn’t a LL person want that, too? How many other ways do they show desire, want and emotional need besides having sex?
    Unfortunately, I don’t think there are any good answers.. maybe it’s more towards a chemical or hormonal imperfection??

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