Sexual Anorexia

July 20, 2005

I knew I wasn’t nuts. As it turns out, some mighty smart people are all over this. Smarter than me, even. Feel like I might be barking up the wrong banana tree? Let’s see…

The grand poo bah of sexual addiction issues is a fellow by the name Dr. Patrick Carnes. See what he has to say about it in an excellent article and then check out his book.

Here’s another good press release on the subject.

Feel like reading a FAQ on the subject?

Take this quiz and see how you or your partner scores?

What I was startled to find was that many of these items listed as symptoms are similar to my Top Ten list. There are even elements of my other article involved in this.

A couple of salient features: A lot of sexual addicts are also sexual anorexics. Read the Carnes’ article to see how that can be true. A lot of sexual addicts are married to sexual anorexics. That came as a sort of surprise to me.

There’s lots of room for self-reflection on both sides of this issue. I’m still researching and thinking. Stay tuned for more.

D.


LL vs. Anorexia

July 20, 2005

07/19/2005

Tuesday

One of my problems is that while I’m intellectually aware of how a LL feels and have discerned the internal conflict they face (in no small part thanks to Dewdrop’s contributions) I simply fail to wrap my mind around it. I have a major difficulty seeing that it is anything other than some form of mental illness. If things are working properly, a body ought to be craving sex on a regular basis. Sexual anorexia isn’t any healthier than the food-type. And like Lindsey Lohan, our sexual anorexics can’t seem to get a grip on how their abnormally low appetites adversely affect their own health not to mention the health of their suffering marriage.

Like grabbing Ms. Lohan by the shoulders and telling her to just eat something, it seems equally futile to tell a LL to just have sex. In both cases, the person being asked to do a thing might eventually reap the benefits of reinforcement they are just as likely to resent the hell out of it.

Sexual anorexia is such a good analogy that I think I’m going to study it further. There are some striking similarities between anorexia and LL from what I know already:

-Most sufferers are women

-Most have a poor body image

-Most are prone to being crabby

-Most are in denial about their disorder

-Most think their practice is normal

-Most of them ritualize

I want to talk about that last one a bit more. Anorexics generally have some sort ritual surrounding their eating habits. Some may only eat certain foods, some hold their fork a certain way, some don’t let their lips touch the fork. Their eating habits sometimes border on the absurd and compulsive, such as chewing each bite 100 times or only chewing on one side of their mouth.

And so it seems with our sexual anorexics. I’ve heard more than one person complain about how the sex proceeds only one way each and every time. In Arwyn’s case, it always must start with a back and shoulder rub for her. Always. Over the years, she has altered it somewhat. She used to lay on her stomach naked or half naked, which I loved. Now she doesn’t take off any clothes until it is absolutely necessary. We also have to have a towel to clean up any mess before things proceed.

She does not deviate from the the backrub ritual…ever. Even a handjob is preceded by a backrub for her. I like touching her and if that’s what it takes to get her to tolerate my touch, I’m fine with it. It is not a destructive ritual, but nonetheless it reflects the controlling and rigid aspect of the LL lifestyle.

Just as anorexics try to fake eating by pushing food around on their plates, their LL sisters are faking orgasms just to get the deed over with.In fact, I suspect the anorexic approaches eating situations similarly to how a LL approaches sexual situations. They will make excuses, they will become defensive and will generally avoid situations where some sort of performance is expected.

All of this is qualified against the troublesome phenomenon of men with seemingly LL. These guys may have similar issues of control as their LL sisters but I can’t speak to how accurately they fit any other comparisons I’ve made above. I’m not even sure the rare male anorexic fits in with the women and girls that have it. Others can speak to that until I research it more.

D.