Lucky me Really Hit it…

Lucky Me has been hitting some of my major buttons:

I wonder if low libido women ever tease their men… even though they aren’t willing to give it up? Just for that power trip? I always wonder how people can have a low libido. How can you NOT want sex?

Let’s noodle on this for awhile.

In the first place, when LL women think about sex, they are thinking about how to avoid it, how to cool off their mate not how to heat them up. I think much of this has to do with their extraordinary low level of sensuality. Lucky, who obviously has a healthy libido, gets off on the power, the sensuality and the pleasure of the tease, because teasing ramps up the level of sexual tension in the environment. She looks forward to and anticipates the eventual pay off but also enjoys the sustained level of eroticism that is present for as long as that sexual tension is held in place. It’s like sustained foreplay.

It’s for these reasons that LL women HATE the tease. While a person with a healthy libido anticipates the eventual pleasures that await, the LL person DREADS it and mightily resents the implication that there is any sort of anticipated release at all. The anxiety of having to perform at some point in the future, the expectations and the pressure are all aversive factors. Most LL folks neither acknowledge nor take pleasure in the power that they possess.

Which is why the whole chastity play concept falls so flat with Arwyn. She could have total control over me including us NOT having sex, with me being actually fairly happy with it as long as she was involved. But that’s just it. She has no desire to be involved. She doesn’t want the responsibility. Wearing my key around her neck is akin to wearing a millstone. She’s simply not going to do it because it involves extra work and extra bother. For her, it is not a power trip, but a pressure trip. And if you think about it, these are two sides of the same thing. With great power comes great responsibility, and not everyone wants that. Power and responsibility in the sexual arena is anathema to the LL folks. There is no pleasure in it at all.

Lucky’s logic is what got me into the chastity idea in the first place. As a HL person, it made perfect sense to me that if my wife didn’t want sex that playing at NOT having sex would be a viable option. But wearing the chastity cage ramped up the sexual energy to higher and higher levels. I could get excited just hearing her voice, or folding laundry for her or cleaning or just about anything. I was on a quest for her approval.

The attitude of entitlement exhibited by many LL folks also comes into play. Arwyn was probably wondering why I couldn’t be as attentive, affectionate and accommodating all the time without having to wear a cage around my cock. I should just be able to do these things all the time, whether I get sex or not, or whether I’m in chastity or not. The result is resentment instead of appreciation.

Two women, two attitudes. One sees the possibilities and savors the sexual and erotic charge that goes along with the tease. The other one dreads the tension and excitation. One embraces it, the other recoils from it. One anticipates and relishes it, and the other fears and loathes it. Which looks healthier? Which looks like more fun? Who would be more fun to be married to?

D.

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9 Responses to Lucky me Really Hit it…

  1. C-Marie says:

    *raising my hand, jumping out of my seat*
    I know, I know – pick me, I know!

    Hope your weekend was a good one, D~.

  2. I think you know the answers to those questions already.

    The LL woman are missing out, if they only knew….

  3. aphron says:

    Low libido spouses seem to have no clue the damage they cause in their marriage. Also, they do not see themselves as having a problem. They see the high libido person with problem. They are weird, kinky, want it too much.

    Don’t get me started on teasing. Being married to a low libido wife, who will fall asleep while stroking me, makes me an expert on teasing. Teasing is only fun, if both parties know a release is around the corner. Otherwise, it is a prick tease, and that is a very mean thing to do.

  4. Anonymous says:

    “Arwyn was probably wondering why I couldn’t be as attentive, affectionate and accommodating all the time without having to wear a cage around my cock. I should just be able to do these things all the time, whether I get sex or not, or whether I’m in chastity or not. ”

    But why SHOULDN’T you be all that without the cage? You should enjoy doing those things just for the sake of doing them, not with the intention of getting some kind of ‘reward’.

  5. Dewdrop says:

    Digger, you are so very accurate in describing LL – being married to a LL woman obviously perhaps makes it easier. But very rarely do I ever come across anyone at all who understands, or even wants to understand even a tiny bit, what a LL person really feels about sex. In essence there is nothing wrong with being HL or LL, just when there is a relationship involved (of course). Aphron says LL spouses have no idea what damage they cause to their marriage – oh yes, sadly I do, at least if no other LL does and I constantly try and compromise, having sex many times when I really, really don’t want to. I try and make efforts to improve things when I really would rather do many other things instead, purely because I love my husband and want to try and make him happy. But there again couldn’t the same be said about HL constantly pestering (okay asking or wanting would probably be better words lol)their LL for sex – also doing damage to the marriage. The tension caused by almost seemingly constantly asking and, in the end it comes down to pressurising, their spouse for sex is awful. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make my husband and my sex drives the same (no I don’t mean both HL or LL, it doesn’t really matter which – just make them equal one way or the other). I don’t feel I’m missing out on sex with my husband most of the time because I really don’t want it! There is so much misunderstanding – but Digger you seem to be almost unique in understanding and articulating very accurately what it’s all about.

  6. Satan says:

    Oh come off it, anonymous! You should enjoy slaving away for someone who treats you as though you are a bit of poo stuck to their flip-flop?

    The cock cage was brilliant b/c it allowed Digger to get past his resentments and to ignore the negative vibes emanating from his wife. But it only did that by using his sexuality against him – he was so swamped by sensations and fuzzy feelings that reality couldn’t break through as much.

    But really, I think most of us can understand why it’s hard, if not impossible to be attentive, affectionate and accommodating towards Arwyn. She won’t let him be, and he doesn’t have the insanity to try to shift the balance back towards the positive realm unless he’s giddy with backed-up jizz.

  7. Rob says:

    In reading all about what goes on between Digger and Arwyn, I gotta wonder as to what keeps her (or him, for that matter) still in this marriage. Is it just habit, security, familiarity, what? In Arwyn’s case anyway, it sure doesn’t appear to be love (which it still is in Digger’s case). You’d almost describe this scene as 2 cats in a bag or oil and water. Maybe I’m exagerating but ya gotta wonder about the long term dynamics in play here.

  8. aphron says:

    In the end, someone has to make an adjustment. In my case, I have consciously surpressed my libido. Being a constant state of want is not healthy. I’ve stopped the internet porn, I’ve started doing other activities at night, etc. The sight of my wife in her underwear at bedtime is still provacative, but I surpress that too.

    It comes down to choices: 1)HL has to lower the libido, 2)LL has to raise the libido, 3)Masturbation which leads to resentment and a loss of intimacy, 4)An open relationship with the possible pitfalls, 5)Divorce. If anyone has any other ideas, I’d be glad to read them. Oh by the way, don’t anyone say do more housework and take care of the kids. Libido issues go far beyond that.

  9. Lucky Me says:

    Thanks for the comments digger! Your post clarified my question on LL people VERY WELL. I still of course don’t get their logic.. but I semi-understand!

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