Lucky me Really Hit it…

July 18, 2005

Lucky Me has been hitting some of my major buttons:

I wonder if low libido women ever tease their men… even though they aren’t willing to give it up? Just for that power trip? I always wonder how people can have a low libido. How can you NOT want sex?

Let’s noodle on this for awhile.

In the first place, when LL women think about sex, they are thinking about how to avoid it, how to cool off their mate not how to heat them up. I think much of this has to do with their extraordinary low level of sensuality. Lucky, who obviously has a healthy libido, gets off on the power, the sensuality and the pleasure of the tease, because teasing ramps up the level of sexual tension in the environment. She looks forward to and anticipates the eventual pay off but also enjoys the sustained level of eroticism that is present for as long as that sexual tension is held in place. It’s like sustained foreplay.

It’s for these reasons that LL women HATE the tease. While a person with a healthy libido anticipates the eventual pleasures that await, the LL person DREADS it and mightily resents the implication that there is any sort of anticipated release at all. The anxiety of having to perform at some point in the future, the expectations and the pressure are all aversive factors. Most LL folks neither acknowledge nor take pleasure in the power that they possess.

Which is why the whole chastity play concept falls so flat with Arwyn. She could have total control over me including us NOT having sex, with me being actually fairly happy with it as long as she was involved. But that’s just it. She has no desire to be involved. She doesn’t want the responsibility. Wearing my key around her neck is akin to wearing a millstone. She’s simply not going to do it because it involves extra work and extra bother. For her, it is not a power trip, but a pressure trip. And if you think about it, these are two sides of the same thing. With great power comes great responsibility, and not everyone wants that. Power and responsibility in the sexual arena is anathema to the LL folks. There is no pleasure in it at all.

Lucky’s logic is what got me into the chastity idea in the first place. As a HL person, it made perfect sense to me that if my wife didn’t want sex that playing at NOT having sex would be a viable option. But wearing the chastity cage ramped up the sexual energy to higher and higher levels. I could get excited just hearing her voice, or folding laundry for her or cleaning or just about anything. I was on a quest for her approval.

The attitude of entitlement exhibited by many LL folks also comes into play. Arwyn was probably wondering why I couldn’t be as attentive, affectionate and accommodating all the time without having to wear a cage around my cock. I should just be able to do these things all the time, whether I get sex or not, or whether I’m in chastity or not. The result is resentment instead of appreciation.

Two women, two attitudes. One sees the possibilities and savors the sexual and erotic charge that goes along with the tease. The other one dreads the tension and excitation. One embraces it, the other recoils from it. One anticipates and relishes it, and the other fears and loathes it. Which looks healthier? Which looks like more fun? Who would be more fun to be married to?

D.


Two Major Articles

July 18, 2005

Stuck in a clashing libido relationship?

I have a couple of articles rescued from my old blog, Sensual Dementia that are now posted over on my companion blog, Unsolicited Advice. Score yourself on my Top 10 Ways to Identify a Low Libido Partner. Milage always varies, but many folks have found this little list informative over the years. I’ll be anxious to hear how folks score themselves and/or their partners. FWIW, Arwyn scores 10/10 on this particular list. I’d say any gap between you and your partner greater than 3 is a cause for concern. But that’s just me. And people do change over time. Hopefully for the better, but not always.

The other article deals with Clashing Libidos from a sensory integration framework, and fits in nicely with the other articles I have posted over there. It’s not as popular, but it might be informative for some folks in trying to figure out what the problem might be. It offers one possible explaination borrowed from the field of developmental disabilities and autism. It is definitely worth a look.

I’m busy working on other stuff but will hopefully be back with regular programming shortly.

D.