I Don’t Get it…

July 11, 2005

07/11/2005

Monday

I’m lonely and I miss my wife. I told her as much this morning, minutes before Thomas woke up. But Arwyn was unmoved.

She’ll tolerate some hugging, brief kissing and light conversation. But nothing that I would categorize as very intimate. It’s been about a month since we’ve had anything resembling sexual intimacy. This is simply a very lonely existence. I mean, the kids are usually keen to hug, play and fiddle around. But it isn’t the same.

I’ve heard some women complain that they are all “touched out” after having the kids hang on them all day. I totally don’t get that. A touch by a child is totally different than a touch from an adult female. Hopefully a wife. The cuddles, kisses and touches are totally different and unrelated. My kids can hug and climb all over me, but it has none of the same effect that hugging my wife has. Should it? Am I missing something that I shouldn’t be? Is this the secret to mothers of young children being able to go days, weeks and months without wanting to be touched? They just get it from the kids?

I just do not get it at all. I have really tried to give Arwyn whatever space she seems to need for the past month and she has shown absolutely no need or desire to touch or be touched by her husband in any way, shape or form. How can someone live like that? I do NOT get it. In more ways than one!

I’m not even talking about full-on sex, or even half-on sex but just basic husband/wife intimacy. You know, good feelings, warm thoughts, smiles, gentle pats, that sort of thing.

I’m wondering if maybe I would be happier living by myself with a dog. A stray dog came round yesterday while I was picking beans and tomatoes. A young black lab. Friendly pup that just hung around for an hour or so before moving on. Maybe that’s the problem. I’m asking too much from a person and maybe just need to have a pet.

D.