The Cage

06/27/2005

Monday

It’s on my mind. I’m thinking about it which means I will probably end up doing it again in the near future.

I’m talking about The Cage, another of the cast of characters that has been recently been relegated to the back burner.

The beginning of this story actually takes place about 7 or so years ago. This is well before the days of blogging although there were a few out there. Back then, they were just web pages. I was a fairly prominent fish in the Usenet pond. On alt.support.marriage there were lots of other guys living with the unhappy reality that marriage equated with masturbation rather than passionate romps with their brides. Back then, men vastly outnumbered women on the internet, but it was changing. It was in this forum at this time that I came across Lady Misato.

Lady Misato had an entirely different take on male-female relationships, mainly that many more marriages would be happier if the women would dominate their men. I, and most other guys, promptly flamed her, but she was unaffected. She was not overly aggressive and generally kept a low profile only occasionally offering insight and advice. She would answer legitmate questions but not the flames and insults. She did exude a lot of confidence. Her site is actually quite famous and might be the most famous geocities site ever: “Real Women Don’t Do Housework.”

During this same time I also briefly made the acquaintence on another group of Laura Doyle of “Surrendered Wife” fame. I was definitely more agreeable to her point of view, than L. Misato’s. Women generally didn’t like either POV. They despised Ms. Doyle’s submissive ways and dismissed L. Misato for being overly manipulative. I personanlly think there is a place for both, although it would be a long time before I was willing to investigate being dominated.

I got away from usenet, and moved on to other things, like Ivillage’s Clashing Libidos board.

A couple of years ago, I was grepping through the usenet archives and wondered about Lady Misato. A search quickly led me to her site. It has not really changed in 7 years. In fact, I’m not sure the last time anything was added or updated. I had never really spent a lot of time there, but this time I did. I read through each section thoroughly and began to understand what she was trying to say. I was getting it. And getting hard. My outlook had changed over the years, and I was ready for a different direction.

What finally did me in, was when looking at various toys she had listed, there was the CB2000 (I see she has updated to the CB3000). I linked through and a new world opened up. The world of chastity.

I’d never heard of male chastity or even female domination before except it looked like some sort of fetish thing. I never lingered over the idea. Now I was fantasizing.

For some reason, the idea of having my cock locked in a cage with my wife holding the keys turned me on in a major way. I read Altarboy’s site, and there was (and still is) loads of information, reviews, advice and stories. The idea of being locked up kept me hard for days. I’m still not overly sure of what posessed me, but it was there. I had all sorts of fantasies of my wife teasing me and playing with me and getting turned on by the idea. That was it as much as anything. The idea of something that my wife could actually enjoy even if it involved in me NOT having sex was a huge part of the appeal. Maybe this would help her rediscover her sexuality.

She left town with the boys to visit her mother, and I ordered The Curve with overnight delivery. I could not wait to put it on. In fact, I probably got myself off several times before it came just thinking about it.

In the weeks leading up to the purchase, I had wondered about how I was going to tell Arwyn about this. I did write her a letter basically asking her to take charge of my sexuality. To become a caretaker of a sort for me and to help me to practice chastity in our marriage. This was before actually even buying the cage.

Once I had it, I spent time getting it fitted properly and getting used to it. I mowed the lawn with it, went to the store while wearing it and even went to church with it on. No one noticed. That was part of the thrill, the idea of having a secret. “If they only knew…”

Nights were a challenge. I soon realized that my penis (heretofore known as Darth Sidious) was up during much of the night. The cage makes full erections impossible and painful. So I’d get hard, get out of bed, walk or go pee, and then go back to sleep. A couple of hours later, I’d have to repeat the process until 5 a.m. or so, when the super hard-on hit and there simply was no going back to sleep. Which meant that if I was going to get adequate sleep, I need to go to bed earlier.

The cage did bring on some pretty significant changes mentally and emotionally, too. Even though Arwyn was gone and totally unaware, my thoughts became almost instantly fixed on her. I suppose reading and fantasizing primed me, I was still unprepared for the focus wearing a cock cage afforded me. I cleaned the house, mopped the floor, cleaned the bathrooms, vaccuumed the carpets and bought groceries…all before 9 a.m.! And I was happy to do it.

Folks reading Lady Misato do not realize that while it looks terribly manipulative, it is actually a message of affirmation and love. Love is essentially about pleasing the other person. A man’s most basic nature is about doing things that please his wife. The same should be true of women. Love should be about pleasing their husbands.

When Arwyn returned, I didn’t say anything for several days. I continued wearing the cage but she never noticed. Finally, at the end of the week, I reminded her of the letter I wrote to her, and showed her the cage. She was a bit startled to say the least. She had wondered about me going to bed earlier and waking up earlier. Now she knew.

It took her a few days to get used to it. I showed her afew articles I had printed off from Altarboy’s site and then handed her the keys. My thought was that she could wear one of the keys around her neck. She said that the necklace was uncomfortable and hid the keys.

The reality did not match the fantasy. Arwyn was trying to get used to it, but there was never any teasing. She never required me to do anything special for. I had some sort of fantasy about giving her oral sex, but she hated oral sex then and still does. She didn’t really want to talk about the cage and it seemed a bother to even think about it.

At first, she didn’t want to touch it at all. I had some fantasy about her handcuffing me and taking it off, playing with me and/or cleaning me and then putting the cage back on when she was finshed with me. The reality never prograssed beyond her getting the key and unlocking the lock. In the morning, if I put the cage back on, I would present myself to her and she would lock the lock. That was kind of erotic.

When wearing the cage, there was little or no discussion about it. In fact, Arwyn would totally forget about it. I’d ask for some “adult alone time” and she would forget I was locked up until she pulled my underwear off and then have to go looking for the key. Over time, as my mind became more and more fixed on her, I would approach her for more hugs, kisses and cuddles. This began to annoy her. Her lack of attention began to annoy me. She began complaining about the pressure of holding the keys. Then she wouldn’t unlock me, she simply left the keys out on the bathroom counter for me to unlock as I wanted. Or if I asked for some time for the two of us, she’d give me the keys to unlock myself.

At the beginning, we did have a contract with assorted rules for release and penalties for infractions like being annoying or whining or virtually anything else she wanted. It also spelled out conditions for release which were set at 4 days unless there were penalties and a 10 day maximum.

There were never any penalties. Ever. She did release me every 4 days and did give me handjobs on those occasions. That month marked the most handjobs of our marriage or ever. She even let me out after 3 days on an occasion or two. But if I didn’t choose to wear the cage, she didn’t say anything about that, either. And I might go a week before locking up again. The contract provided some amount of structure, but Arwyn never really took advantage of it. She simply was not into it. I suppose she could best be described as a reluctant keyholder.

I was much more affectionate and agreeable after being in the cage a few days and nights. I would do things for her because I wanted to. She could ask me to do anything and I’d do it. I would do more things without her having to ask. However, she was uncomfortable with this as keyholder, because it did put pressure on her to release me. Afterall, release was what I wanted and was willing to work for. For her part, she figured that’s all I wanted and I should be acting this way without having to wear the cage. And I seemed constantly jonesing for release.

I finally discovered the Timelock program that enabled the computer to hold the keys for a certain length of time. This seemed to work just a bit better, because Arwyn was then under no pressure to release me. At the same time, she could reap the benefits. In return, she was more open to my affections and was more affectionate towards me. There were a couple of embarassing moments when she was actually open to sex and I happened to be locked up. One of those times, I used the bolt cutters to cut the lock. We might have simply taken a rain check the other time. Of course my fantasy is that she would insist I pleasure her orally while locked up. Or manually. But that has never happened. And that is probably the single biggest disappointment about being in chastity. She never wanted any satisfaction from me, in the meantime. Rather than being an indispensible partner, I was more or less expendible, sexually speaking.

And so it is, that living with someone who has no desire for an orgasm or sexual pleasure has been so frustrating. Which is why I seriously considered finding another keyholder who might have at least some understanding or some interest in orgasm control even if they were getting off on the power exchange.

I still play on occasion, using the Timelock. I haven’t since having to redo the computer, since one key is locked in a lock box and that combination was lost with the hard drive. I just recently downloaded the Timelock program again. I do have the key that I froze in a block of ice. If I get it out, I’ll have to get another lock box for it in order to take advantage of the Timelock. I had given Arwyn a box that she hasn’t used in a year or so. I wonder if she’d let me use that.

In anycase, that is a short history of the cage. This entry can be used as a reference for any future posts I might make on the subject.

D.

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4 Responses to The Cage

  1. ZGD63 says:

    Hey Digger…I thought some reciprication was in order for your fine input on my blog.

    Might you try a different submissive/power exchange role? From your entry, it sounds like your wife has wanted to initiate sex and doesn’t like oral. How does she feel about anal? How would you like to have her use a strap on dildo on you? What about bondage or spanking? I say don’t give up until you’ve discovered a common interest that brings you closer with better communication.

  2. Digger Jones says:

    Anal? LOLOL!!!

    If she wanted to use a strap on, on me I would seriously consider it, just for the sake of intimacy-building if that is what would do it for her. But anything too far out there, and she’d retreat even further.

    I wonder sometimes if she even believes that that she knows me at all, as the whole kink thing caught her by surprise. She is as vanilla as vanilla can get.

    Our communication blows, that much is certain. We do communicate, but seem to miss the other’s messeges routinely.
    D.

  3. Marie says:

    Hey there…

    I have to admit, at first when I started reading this post, I was thinking, “Oh my…this is quite bizarre!” I’d never heard of anything like “the cage” before, and when I followed your link, I was a bit suprised at what it looked like! Somewhere in my own naivety, I expected to see a literal cage, like a smaller version of a bird cage or something! Yeah…yeah…I know…

    As I read on here though, I could see and appreciate the concept. This whole idea of “chastity”…and then I thought to myself, “Wow, this guy is brilliant!” The logic in your wanting to implement this toy and concept of chastity with your wife made sense to me. It would indeed seem as an alternate way to meet your wife and your needs.

    There must be other things out there that she would be willing to try though. Just because this one didn’t float her boat doesn’t mean something else won’t.

  4. Rob says:

    Hey DJ, I just started reading your blog entries today, having unfortunately missed your other blog (before it went *poof* into the ethernet). Just a quick observation. I figure the reason that your cage idea didn’t really catch on fully with your wife was because you kinda surprisingly sprung the idea on her and never really first got her full “buyin” to the idea. I can relate also to your previous blog entries on guilt and forgiveness (yep, in spades). I guess the deal here is a re-establishment of trust and total communication (like when you guys first got married) is first required before any other strategy will meet your goals. I know that you probably know this already and I don’t claim to have any pat magic answers on how you two can achieve this. Just keep trying, preferably with her involvement, I guess…

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