The Cage

June 27, 2005

06/27/2005

Monday

It’s on my mind. I’m thinking about it which means I will probably end up doing it again in the near future.

I’m talking about The Cage, another of the cast of characters that has been recently been relegated to the back burner.

The beginning of this story actually takes place about 7 or so years ago. This is well before the days of blogging although there were a few out there. Back then, they were just web pages. I was a fairly prominent fish in the Usenet pond. On alt.support.marriage there were lots of other guys living with the unhappy reality that marriage equated with masturbation rather than passionate romps with their brides. Back then, men vastly outnumbered women on the internet, but it was changing. It was in this forum at this time that I came across Lady Misato.

Lady Misato had an entirely different take on male-female relationships, mainly that many more marriages would be happier if the women would dominate their men. I, and most other guys, promptly flamed her, but she was unaffected. She was not overly aggressive and generally kept a low profile only occasionally offering insight and advice. She would answer legitmate questions but not the flames and insults. She did exude a lot of confidence. Her site is actually quite famous and might be the most famous geocities site ever: “Real Women Don’t Do Housework.”

During this same time I also briefly made the acquaintence on another group of Laura Doyle of “Surrendered Wife” fame. I was definitely more agreeable to her point of view, than L. Misato’s. Women generally didn’t like either POV. They despised Ms. Doyle’s submissive ways and dismissed L. Misato for being overly manipulative. I personanlly think there is a place for both, although it would be a long time before I was willing to investigate being dominated.

I got away from usenet, and moved on to other things, like Ivillage’s Clashing Libidos board.

A couple of years ago, I was grepping through the usenet archives and wondered about Lady Misato. A search quickly led me to her site. It has not really changed in 7 years. In fact, I’m not sure the last time anything was added or updated. I had never really spent a lot of time there, but this time I did. I read through each section thoroughly and began to understand what she was trying to say. I was getting it. And getting hard. My outlook had changed over the years, and I was ready for a different direction.

What finally did me in, was when looking at various toys she had listed, there was the CB2000 (I see she has updated to the CB3000). I linked through and a new world opened up. The world of chastity.

I’d never heard of male chastity or even female domination before except it looked like some sort of fetish thing. I never lingered over the idea. Now I was fantasizing.

For some reason, the idea of having my cock locked in a cage with my wife holding the keys turned me on in a major way. I read Altarboy’s site, and there was (and still is) loads of information, reviews, advice and stories. The idea of being locked up kept me hard for days. I’m still not overly sure of what posessed me, but it was there. I had all sorts of fantasies of my wife teasing me and playing with me and getting turned on by the idea. That was it as much as anything. The idea of something that my wife could actually enjoy even if it involved in me NOT having sex was a huge part of the appeal. Maybe this would help her rediscover her sexuality.

She left town with the boys to visit her mother, and I ordered The Curve with overnight delivery. I could not wait to put it on. In fact, I probably got myself off several times before it came just thinking about it.

In the weeks leading up to the purchase, I had wondered about how I was going to tell Arwyn about this. I did write her a letter basically asking her to take charge of my sexuality. To become a caretaker of a sort for me and to help me to practice chastity in our marriage. This was before actually even buying the cage.

Once I had it, I spent time getting it fitted properly and getting used to it. I mowed the lawn with it, went to the store while wearing it and even went to church with it on. No one noticed. That was part of the thrill, the idea of having a secret. “If they only knew…”

Nights were a challenge. I soon realized that my penis (heretofore known as Darth Sidious) was up during much of the night. The cage makes full erections impossible and painful. So I’d get hard, get out of bed, walk or go pee, and then go back to sleep. A couple of hours later, I’d have to repeat the process until 5 a.m. or so, when the super hard-on hit and there simply was no going back to sleep. Which meant that if I was going to get adequate sleep, I need to go to bed earlier.

The cage did bring on some pretty significant changes mentally and emotionally, too. Even though Arwyn was gone and totally unaware, my thoughts became almost instantly fixed on her. I suppose reading and fantasizing primed me, I was still unprepared for the focus wearing a cock cage afforded me. I cleaned the house, mopped the floor, cleaned the bathrooms, vaccuumed the carpets and bought groceries…all before 9 a.m.! And I was happy to do it.

Folks reading Lady Misato do not realize that while it looks terribly manipulative, it is actually a message of affirmation and love. Love is essentially about pleasing the other person. A man’s most basic nature is about doing things that please his wife. The same should be true of women. Love should be about pleasing their husbands.

When Arwyn returned, I didn’t say anything for several days. I continued wearing the cage but she never noticed. Finally, at the end of the week, I reminded her of the letter I wrote to her, and showed her the cage. She was a bit startled to say the least. She had wondered about me going to bed earlier and waking up earlier. Now she knew.

It took her a few days to get used to it. I showed her afew articles I had printed off from Altarboy’s site and then handed her the keys. My thought was that she could wear one of the keys around her neck. She said that the necklace was uncomfortable and hid the keys.

The reality did not match the fantasy. Arwyn was trying to get used to it, but there was never any teasing. She never required me to do anything special for. I had some sort of fantasy about giving her oral sex, but she hated oral sex then and still does. She didn’t really want to talk about the cage and it seemed a bother to even think about it.

At first, she didn’t want to touch it at all. I had some fantasy about her handcuffing me and taking it off, playing with me and/or cleaning me and then putting the cage back on when she was finshed with me. The reality never prograssed beyond her getting the key and unlocking the lock. In the morning, if I put the cage back on, I would present myself to her and she would lock the lock. That was kind of erotic.

When wearing the cage, there was little or no discussion about it. In fact, Arwyn would totally forget about it. I’d ask for some “adult alone time” and she would forget I was locked up until she pulled my underwear off and then have to go looking for the key. Over time, as my mind became more and more fixed on her, I would approach her for more hugs, kisses and cuddles. This began to annoy her. Her lack of attention began to annoy me. She began complaining about the pressure of holding the keys. Then she wouldn’t unlock me, she simply left the keys out on the bathroom counter for me to unlock as I wanted. Or if I asked for some time for the two of us, she’d give me the keys to unlock myself.

At the beginning, we did have a contract with assorted rules for release and penalties for infractions like being annoying or whining or virtually anything else she wanted. It also spelled out conditions for release which were set at 4 days unless there were penalties and a 10 day maximum.

There were never any penalties. Ever. She did release me every 4 days and did give me handjobs on those occasions. That month marked the most handjobs of our marriage or ever. She even let me out after 3 days on an occasion or two. But if I didn’t choose to wear the cage, she didn’t say anything about that, either. And I might go a week before locking up again. The contract provided some amount of structure, but Arwyn never really took advantage of it. She simply was not into it. I suppose she could best be described as a reluctant keyholder.

I was much more affectionate and agreeable after being in the cage a few days and nights. I would do things for her because I wanted to. She could ask me to do anything and I’d do it. I would do more things without her having to ask. However, she was uncomfortable with this as keyholder, because it did put pressure on her to release me. Afterall, release was what I wanted and was willing to work for. For her part, she figured that’s all I wanted and I should be acting this way without having to wear the cage. And I seemed constantly jonesing for release.

I finally discovered the Timelock program that enabled the computer to hold the keys for a certain length of time. This seemed to work just a bit better, because Arwyn was then under no pressure to release me. At the same time, she could reap the benefits. In return, she was more open to my affections and was more affectionate towards me. There were a couple of embarassing moments when she was actually open to sex and I happened to be locked up. One of those times, I used the bolt cutters to cut the lock. We might have simply taken a rain check the other time. Of course my fantasy is that she would insist I pleasure her orally while locked up. Or manually. But that has never happened. And that is probably the single biggest disappointment about being in chastity. She never wanted any satisfaction from me, in the meantime. Rather than being an indispensible partner, I was more or less expendible, sexually speaking.

And so it is, that living with someone who has no desire for an orgasm or sexual pleasure has been so frustrating. Which is why I seriously considered finding another keyholder who might have at least some understanding or some interest in orgasm control even if they were getting off on the power exchange.

I still play on occasion, using the Timelock. I haven’t since having to redo the computer, since one key is locked in a lock box and that combination was lost with the hard drive. I just recently downloaded the Timelock program again. I do have the key that I froze in a block of ice. If I get it out, I’ll have to get another lock box for it in order to take advantage of the Timelock. I had given Arwyn a box that she hasn’t used in a year or so. I wonder if she’d let me use that.

In anycase, that is a short history of the cage. This entry can be used as a reference for any future posts I might make on the subject.

D.


Blog Reviews: Square1, Dewdrop & C-Marie

June 27, 2005

If there is no other material, a review is always easy, quick and makes folks feel pretty good. At least as long as the review is good. If it’s on my roll, it’s good. Otherwise it gets moved off fairly quickly.

Square1 and I have been reading each other for quite some time and we seem to travel in similar circles. This shouldn’t be too surprising since I used her blogroll when I was blogless and used those links to get mine going again. Hers is probably one of the best relationship blogs around, in that you do get a bit of everything. There is conflict, sentimentality, thoughtfulness and plenty of sex appreal to go around. All of it tastefully done. Square1 is a passionate writer, and this shows through in many of her postings. She is also an intelligent writer. When she is not thinking about the deeper things, she poses questions that force the reader to think. It’s all real and all genuine, which is why she attracts visitors by the busload. Another reason why she draws people in, is because she is exceedingly generous with her comments on other people’s blogs. Always generous, always kind and always thoughtful. She contributes to and compliments my theme not only as a co-traveler on the path to a better relationship but also as somewhat of a model. She puts her whole heart into forging a better relationship with her husband which is an inspiration to anyone going through a similar struggle. She’s a prolific writer, posting several times a week and several times a day on occasion.

If Square1 is a sort of companion blog, Dewdrop is the mirrored alternative universe. Her blog is the perfect compliment, because she is also struggling with parts of her relationship but from the exact opposite point of view. Whereas I would have my wife desire me more sexually and increase her libido, Dewdrop would want her husband to lower his libido and be pawing at her a lot less. Whereas I hoot and holler about how evil the LL spouses are, Dewdrop champions the LL cause and point of view. Her task is more difficult as she is one of the few LL blogs that I’ve ever encountered. she is always looking for new recruits, as it were. It would also be sort of cool to find and successfully capture a LL guy’s blog. I just want to find one who blogs about not wanting sex with the passion that Dewdrop does. I admire her pluck and courage in writing about this topic with such openness and honesty. I say nice things about her, because she is just that good, but also because I don’t want to frighten her away! Her type is definitely on the endangered list. Dewdrop journals about all sorts of other things besides her clashing libido relationship. In fact, that topic makes up less than 50% of her content. She’ll blog about her job, children, her daily activities, the weather and assorted other daily struggles as well as other observations. She writes in such a way that even fairly mundane things are sometimes made entertaining by her creative use of the english language and various epithets unique to those living in the U.K. She posts daily. If she missed a couple of days, I think I would start getting worried about her.

C-Marie is one of my newer reads. I always like catching a blog at the beginning stages as it is easier following a story from the beginning. Her story is a good one, in that she is living with a guy (JM) who really doesn’t seem terribly anxious to jump her bones despite the Marie’s efforts at enticing him away from the television. There seems to be an epidemic among a certain type of guy who will choose the television over having sex with the naked woman in front of him. I do not pretend to understand this guy, but I certainly do relate to C-Marie’s pain and lonliness and uncertainty. The guy has sent along his share of painful messeges. While having an apparent disinterest in her, he seems to have a keen interest in porn at times, and gratifying himself. This guy is *such* a candidate for being locked up, like no other I’ve seen! C-Marie posts 2-3 times per week. Sometimes less, and sometimes more, depending on what is happening in her story. When things get heavy, they seem to get VERY heavy as in an overabundance of drama. It might be her skill as a writer or it might just be that she has had to endure some pretty serious emotional jolts from this guy or both. In anycase, a body can not help but be drawn in. A few weeks might go by with very little going on, when all the sudden something happens that sends a reader’s heart into his/her throat, the sweat upon their brow and eyes dialating with panic and alarm. Hold on to your butts, this one is a wild ride!

D.