Just some New Year’s Thoughts…

I saw a question on the christian Nympos blog that really perked my ears up where a guy asked how he can tell whether or not his future wife will be a Christian nympho:

Since I’m not supposed to have premarital sex, how can I tell if a woman will be responsive on a regular basis after marriage?

How does one find out if a girl is sexually healthy, active and willing to experiment with out sleeping with her?

Of course I did comment and you can read the edited version of it on their website. It was edited, because I included a link to my own site weighing in on the topic with considerably more detail.

I feel kind of bad about that link being stripped out, but I also sort of know why they did it, since many of those things can not be known until after one actually has sex, and having sex outside of marriage is wrong. But with just a bit more investigation, it is apparent that while their site may be a great help to many, they really are not too interested in being an open community. No trackbacks or even links to commentors own blogs. And that makes me feel a bit bad for the guys who are asking questions over there, because those women are mostly there to help and support other women. Oh well. Keeping folks like that on the RSS is just an act of frustration. Good resource but women like my wife have absolutely no interest in a site like that.

I’m rereading the Schnarch book, as the insights gained there were so key to the progress Arwyn and I made last year. It enabled me to not be so defensive and handle the rejection better which eventually began to help her move in a more positive direction. While the therapy sort of jumpstarted things and brought some accountability to bear, we have not managed to get to any real depth in almost a year.

This past year, I did manage to meet some important goals:
1. We did break the 2 year sex drought and intimacy went forward before it slid back.
2. I got my weight down to a low of 187 before gaining back to 207 Still working on it.
3. The weight gain was largely caused by quitting smoking. Smoke free since July.
4. Other than the house, we are Debt Free!
5. I’m playing solidly in the standard level in Stepmania
6. Still on Supaeasy on FoF (which will work with any PC compatible guitar controller)

So, much progress has been made over the last 12 months, it will still take a lot of work to maintain these things. I could light a cigarette today and still enjoy it. And the weight creep and debt creep are constant threats. But the intimacy battle is the big one.
2009? Who knows? I like the idea of continuing to reinvent myself in new ways and become a better me. None of these things would have happened without God providing the means, the strength and the grace to follow through. Only God knows the plans He has for me and it is going to be an adventure no matter what.

Hoping the best for all of you in 2009!

Fun Things to Do

Arwyn and the boys were out of town, and I had the place to myself for almost the whole week, Monday-Friday. They got back Friday afternoon and I was really glad to see them. But it was also nice to have a week where I could do whatever I wanted. And I really did have fun.

- 1 bottle of wine (That took a coule of days)
- 1 6 pack of beer (As a tribute to the first Republican VP candidate…also took 2 days)
- 1 gallon of ice cream. Butter Pecan + chocolate almond. That took less time than either of the alcoholic beverages
- 1 pound dark chocolate M&Ms
- 1/2 pound cashews
- 3 rented DVDs (American Pie Wedding, Jurassic Park 3, 300)
- Catching up on other’s blogs and commenting – while buck naked
- Getting my blog traffic back up by starting a flame war
- NOT smoking
-Rode a couple miles on the bike

Looking at this list, it’s pretty clear that I tend toward being self-destructive and excess when she and the kids are away. But I also did do some bike riding and didn’t smoke, which is good. The smoking bit was actually really, really hard which is probably why I indulged in other various vices. But Arwyn does help me be a better person and want to be a better person. By the end of the third day, I was ready for her and the boys to come home. It was a nice break, but I’m glad its over too. It was like a mini-vacation which made me appreciate what I have even more.

And you can only imagine the weight gain this week. Egad, I have some serious work to do right through the holidays to make up for this one!
D.

198.4

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Yep, that’s what the scale read last weekend when I stepped on it. I knew that my weight had crept up over the summer and could feel tightness in the waist and my knees were starting to protest. It is high time to get back on the program.

There are several reasons for the weight gain. One is the gain associated with travel and eating junk on the road and then relatives being alarmed at my new skinniness and determined to fatten me up. After we got back, the bad habits sort of continued on as the quality of my foods declined while the quanity increased. Arwyn’s home made carrot cake actually has a decent amount of fiber in it but the cup of sugar and cup of fat kind of negate most of that. And the ice cream we put on top of it definitely didn’t help my cause.

Ah, Arwyn’s birthday! I’ll take a pit stop on the weight treadmill and get into that for a minute. I did not give her my 20 list, and opted for a sentimental card and handwrote some sentimental thoughts in my own screechy-scrawly handwriting. I also got her a $25 gift card for iTunes so she could get songs for her mp3 player. Unfortunately I had no idea Apple’s DRM would make getting the songs from her computer to her non-over-priced iPod player more difficult. I found a way to do it after much frustration. APPLE, YOU SUCK! I used to be a Mac person and didn’t have a lot against Apple until this crap. If I hadn’t found a way around it, it would have rendered the iTunes card worthless! Next time we get online music, it will be through Amazon, ThankYouVeryMuch!

We also went out to her favorite restaurant for lunch where she could get her favorite streak.

After all this (Cake, cards, gift card, defeating the evil DRM) and making it as restful of a day as possiblr for Arwyn, she was angling for some more stuff. There were a couple of CD’s she wanted, but I was trying to make sure we had enough money to get through payday. I was a bit put off by her angling for more. Yeah, I know what she really wanted was a new digital camera, but I couldn’t afford to buy one without going into more debt. We just finished a 3,000 mile 3 week vacation! That plus the car insurance was due…we did real good staying totally afloat this month. So I was not keen to buy more stuff. While she sort of seemed to understand she also seemed a bit pouty. Sorry.

Back to the weight treadmill…

A year ago, I was determined to lose a bunch of weight and I did it. But there was a bit of cheating going on in that I was smoking regularly the whole entire time. So while I was eating healthy and exercising and shedding pounds, I was also feeding my addiction. Part of my big weight was from trying to quit the year before. I was successful for quite a while (about 10 months or so) but gained on top of being already overweight until I was obese! So this time, I went down to my pre-nonsmoking weight of 220, and then kept on going. In the back of my mind I knew I wanted to make another run at getting rid of the addiction. I was sick and tired of behaving like an addict, hiding my habit from my wife and kids. Arwyn knew and made it known that she didn’t like it one bit. But she didn’t nag me terribly about it, she might just make coughing noises from across the house when she heard me come in from the garage or make a production of turning on all the fans when I came in from outside after a smoke.

So, the vacation was prime time to quit smoking. I made great strides until we got to my parents’ house and then was at it for a few days, but lighter. But once we got back, I’ve been smoke free. I have this $50 gum that I chew after meals when I’m really jonesing, but otherwise it has been cold turkey. It has not been easy at all. I miss those bloody things, believe it or not. Going back would be easier than gravity. But I’m making a real go of it. And I’m going to try to keep my weight from blowing up while I’m at it. So I’m back to the step mat, and some controlled eating (although not quite as radical as before) and this time without the smokes. And without substantial support from Arwyn. It was that way with the weight loss, too, even though she has expressed some appreciation of being able to wrap her legs all the way around me when we’re in the missionary position. I quite like that, too! But it has not happened since the night we got back from vacation. It’s not all on her, as I’ve been busy and not made it easy to initiate with me. And our joint therapy appointment was cancelled this week because we couldn’t get the childcare thing arranged.

But I wouldn’t say we’re doing badly as much as we are in a holding pattern while life starts to take over. We really could use a date night away from the house and kids.

Would my 20 things list be better suited to an anniversary card? That’s coming up pretty soon.

D.

Okay, okay, okay

Alright already!

 

Nothing like telling the entire internet that you’re going to do something to put pressure on a body to actually do it, is there? And then the comments that dug it in, I was feeling like my back was against the wall!

But that’s sort of why I did it that way. I needed to corner myself in order to make escape futile. And it turns out that things just might fall together just right in order to make this happen in a profitable way. We’ll see.

I just happened to have some real loose time on my hands this afternoon where I couldn’t get any work done or already had done what it is I was trying to get done. I made that call and got right through to the fellow that I needed to talk to. He seemed nice enough over the phone. He sort of outlined his schedule and then we sort of got things together where I have an appointment next week. And it just so happens that Arwyn’s mother will be in town so I’m hoping she’ll be able to watch the boys for us if I can get her to go in for that initial consultation. Arwyn’s probably going to be feeling some king-sized pressure but this does put the ball squarely in her court. When I tell her about this, she’ll have to decide to go or not to go which will give me a more definitive answer as to her commitment one way or another. I suppose she could agree to go and still not be committed, but it would at least show a willingness to go through some motions which we haven’t even done that much up until now.

I did ask him his approach and he told me all about how he uses family systems, and likes to go back a couple of generations on the family system. This is a red flag for me, because while I see it is useful to learn from the past, one can not live back there. This is one reason why the 12 step approach seems so impotent to me is because Arwyn is spending all of her time back there in the past while ignoring the clear and present threat where she is at. I asked him if he had heard of Schnarch and he said he had used some of Schnarch’s material in his training so there was at least a glimmer of hope there. Remember his specialty is Christian sex therapy, so it will be interesting to see how he applies his eclectic tool kit here.

I was nervous as hell making that call, but felt better after making the appointment. But now I’m nervous as hell telling Arwyn about it.

We’ll see. Hang on to your butts.

D.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Up, down, up,
When I up, down, touch the ground
It puts me in the mood
Up, down, touch the ground
In the mood for food I am stout round, and I have found
Speaking poundage wise
I improve my appetite
When I exercise

I am short, fat and proud of that
And so with all my might
I up, down, and up and down
To my appetite’s delight!

Lyrics and music by Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman
©1963

Or Happy Thursday to those outside the U.S.!  The above is a tribute to a fictional character who I once thought had the right attitude towards weight loss and food.  It’s still cute, but not very healthy.

I’m thankful that I had to actually locate something that I hadn’t used in so long I had completely lost track of where it was.  After sitting in my thinking spot for a bit, I finally remembered where it was, and was able to find….my umbrella!  We actually got a nice rain today, here in Georgia.  We need about another week os showers just like that since we’re still at least 15 inches below on the year.

Forgive me if I don’t personally respond to the avalanche of comments below.  It really was useful to see the various comments and compare different reasons for staying one and not going dark.  I think I fall in the category of blogging as sort of therapeutic.  I would (and do) write anyway.  In fact, there are many time a post never even get published because I don’t have the time to properly edit or finish it out.  But I like the feedback, and even the snarky comments serve their purpose.

I think I have many themes that are fair enough game for blogging material that Arwyn could care less about.  But my relationship with her is the overarching one that has always been the pervasive and constant.  I would be interested to read her side of the story if she ever cared to write it, but she is not a writer.  She’s not much of a talker, either.

We have had a Talk about some issues, but I’m not sure it will result in anything.  That’s one of those unfinished posts that may not see the light of day.  And that is the frustrating thing because we do have these skirmishes but nothing decisive.  Even if it looks decisive, it really isn’t.

So anyone reading this for the past couple years has to be feeling a lot of frustration over that lack of movement.  There’s no plot development here!  As the principal character, I’m certainly feeling a lot of that, even though I have other parts of my life that never do get published.

So I’m going to continue to blog when the mood hits, but I’m really and truly looking to move things along somehow. That’s really what I want: some sort of resolution to this story!

So that’s what I’m going to be working on.  I am going to work on resolving this relationship story line to a point where it isn’t the biggest issue, anymore.  I suppose a disaster could come along and completely turn things upside down– That’s NOT what I’m looking for!  I just tire of the Talking and then Nothing.  That just isn’t working for me.   So I’m taking some small (but significant) steps to see if I can move things along.  I may end up dumping those unpublished posts here once I have some movement on that score, but until then they are just frustrated ventings.

Thanks to all of you for reading and contributing!  I’m thankful for  the dedicated folks who still stick around.

D.

203.8

The number in the title does no justice to the twisted journey it took to get there.  I’m chomping at the bit to get below 200 and so have been breaking certain rules.  One of them is weighing myself more than once per week.

At one point,  was down to 201.8.  Hey, hey!  I was feeling pretty good at that point!

But then we went on an overnight road trip.  Which means no exercise and eating out.  I tried being good.  Really.  But a couple of fast food sandwiches and fries later (I thought the Diet Cokes would offset–no dice) I got home and step on the old scale and it reads 207.2!

YOUCH!

I spent the day mowing the lawn AND stepping for at least an hour. And eating salad.

Fiber is my best friend.

There’s one other resolution that has been going, going gone, and that has been the whole smoking thing.  I’ve not been doing so well the past month, gradually getting back into it all over again.  So I’ll have to get out of it all over again.  I feel like I’m trying to fight a war on too many fronts at the moment.  I’m sticking to the weight/exercise thing because, well, there’s some cash on the line.  There is with smoking too, but that isn’t quite as direct.  It’s a slow, gradual thing so I’ll have to think about some way of keeping score with that and get motivated again.

But there’s just something about a good smoke after an intense workout, you know?

No?

I guess that’s just me.   Or maybe if they had smoking areas at the gym they’d get a lot more members.

D.

205.0

Finally!

I was able to break out of the declining skid I’ve been in for a couple of weeks and get back on track.  But, man!  I had to really work at it!  I mean 5 days of Stepmania and mowing the lawn on Saturday.  Lawn mowing is still a staple of my exercise routine but that’s going to suffer when the grass stops growing.  Things will get tough over the holidays!

I finally found the ultimate in music, which is the Maximum Workout CD.  Every song/mix is 130-140 BPM which is just exactly where I like it.  I had it going while mowing and finished in almost 1/2 the time it normally takes me!  I think I lose weight just listening to it!  So I spent the day (and all night) laying down step tracks to it.  I’m using a special program to do it that pretty much takes all the CPU it can get and still takes an hour for each song to compile.  But the charts are going to be challenging and awesome.

I started this on the cheap by downloading all the free stuff (program and songs) from the Stepmania site.  I bought a couple of cheap mats, from ebay and I was totally on my way.  However, as my skill level has increased, I’ve gotten more into it and there have been some increased costs.  The biggest, by far, is the new music.  Once I learned how to create my own simfiles, I started looking for music I really liked.  I liked many of the songs downloaded from the Stemania site, but there were a bunch I didn’t like at all.  It’s been a blast rediscovering some of the techno stuff from the 80’s and also looking at some groups in a similar genre as DAF that I hadn’t heard of.

The result has been ordering a number of CD’s from Amazon.  Your tip-of-the-day is to always order from the used section if possible, as those folks rely on ratings just like ebay, whereas Amazon has gotten lackadaisical in their service.  Their delivery time, frankly, sucks.  “Super saver” shipping = “Super Slow.”  You’ll be waiting weeks and maybe months.  The used stuff comes pronto and usually for less.

I also bid on some new mats.  The cheap ones were good to start off in but as I get to high levels with faster foot work, they tend to slide all over the place and curl up.  I bid on a pair of Red Octane mats  and actually won that auction for less than $50!  So theoretically, I could sell one back and recover my costs since they retail at 2x that for just one.  But you see that while it’s inexpensive compared to other exercise/recreation routines, it can start to become moreso.  Just check out the prices on metal dance pads and you’ll see.

I’m feeling pretty good about the weight loss business as it’s been maybe 20 years since I’ve been this low.  Getting below 200 is my main goal and then I’ll see about maintaining while building a bit of muscle mass.  Right now I’m in a race to see how low I can go before the holidays, weight wise.  At the same time, I’m looking at increasing my speed and skill with Stepmania so it helps to have these goals working in tandem.  Less bulk = more speed and endurance and higher scores = more muscle tone = more weight loss = less bulk.  In behavioral terms, it’s an elegant cycle of reinforcement and consequences that sets up an antecedent for more exercising behavior.  I’ve got a video game, some techno music, a bit of computer wizardry… In short, this program really hits my geek buttons!

I’m probably boring you non-geeks to tears, along with a bunch of fellow nerds because I’m not writing anything about sex.   Truth is, I’m pretty much diverting myself from the whole sexual arena through this other diversion.  Avoiding in the classic style of the word.  But I feel like I’m being productive and not pressuring anyone while working off my own edge/urges.  The cage play was basically ramping me up which is okay when frustration is the goal.  But now I’m working it off, and lately feel less uptight about whether sex is on the menu or not.  Since it’s clearly not, I’m becoming less stressed over it.  I have other things to occupy my energy and time that involve a lot less stress.

I’ve given some thought to that rhetorical question XH had in in his “Disfunction” post which was “Why are you so HL, anyway?”  Other than the fact of being a healthy, normal male, I really don’t have a good answer to that.  Why would I want to make it with someone who acts like an advance or invitation from me looks like rape?  No thanks. Perhaps this will be one of those issues that we, as a couple, just sort of outlast, outplay or outwit.  Or maybe not.  We’ll just have to see.

D.

An Update on Lots of Things

With school starting, the family is once again getting into a routine. For good or ill. So let’s do a little round-up:

- Arwyn has been making and succeeding in becoming a better roommate. She is picking up after herself better and doesn’t let the kids trash the place. She seems to have a decent handle on the money situation. No sex or affection, but this at least makes the situation somewhat tolerable. Sex isn’t everything. I’d rather be getting laid on a weekly basis than live in a spotless house (if that’s the cost) but if we’re going to be roommates, we should at least do so properly for the kids sake if no other reason.

- I am really liking Stepmania and it does work for me. I don’t need to drive to a gym, and the boys like it when I do it at home on occasion. They don’t like it all the time, though, or as much as me. So, I do it mostly after work at work after everyone else has gone home. I usually stay late anyway but this way I’m not making an extra drive. Plus late afternoon has traditionally been a time when I junk it up with snack foods. Good exercise has proven to be an effective substitute.

What’s more, I’ve figured out how to add my own music and edit my own steps. So now I’m into finding some good step dance music. FTN recently brought back some good memories with Funky Town. I think there’s a story there. In any case, I’ve purchase some used CD’s from the Funky Town genre and era and style. Okay, my links sort of deviate a bit from Lipps Inc, but we’re talking music to move by here.

When I started Stepmania just a few months ago, I was working on the lowest possible beginner level and struggled to make a grade of “C” or better at level one. Then a few “AA”s started appearing. Right now, I am getting “C”s again but this time at level 4, which is moving past beginner and light mode and into standard mode. The coolest thing about this game is that are so many ways to show improvement. Plus it is oodles of fun if you like music that runs 120-300 beats per minute.

- Financially, we are doing good. That $10,000 Visa bill Arwyn incurred 3 years ago has fallen, freeing up another $300 a month. One more $330/month bill left to attack. And then a student loan. And finally, the big one; the house. We can do it.

- Spiritually, I am far less settled. I’ll be teaching a series next month and have been accumulating material. I have some books on order that I’ll go over after I’ve been over them but I continue to examine and re-examine how church life is conducted compared to what we see in the New Testament. I’m sure if I elect to present my findings on tithing, that’ll be my Sunday school teaching swan song! That day is coming soon enough. I enjoy it and have forged some decent friendships.

I’ll reserve the preaching and teaching for another time.

- Getting back to my weight loss (Stepmania was a part of that but has since taken on its own life) I finally stepped on a scale the other day. 228 lbs. When I looked at my BMI, (follow that link to calculate yours) I was still 30.1, which still puts me in the lard ass category. I have to work much, much harder to shed the blubber. I was 240 back in February, and really didn’t start seriously working it until June so I only averaged about 4 lbs per month or about 1 lb. a week. When I think of 1 pound a week, that doesn’t sound so bad. But I’m still 5 pounds more than I was a year ago. I also joined a “Biggest Loser” program at my place of work where the winner is the one who loses the most by percentage by Thanksgiving. So there’s a dual motivation going on there as we have a pot of about $1000 that someone could win by Thanksgiving. Why not me?

- I haven’t smoked in over a month and am fine with it. I might go on the occasional weekend jag but am happy to return to being smoke-free. I used to go on smoke-free jags and return to smoking so I’m happy with this turn of circumstance. I treat it like drinking, namely it’s something I do less and less as I get older. The cost of cigarettes continues to climb, so this is also helping with the financial issues.

 

So there you go, your regular update on the world of Digger as it stand today. Sometimes I think things get a bit heavy on the relationship end, but I don’t live in that depressing of a world. I’m doing some positive things, and some things are going positively which is good to know when you think things are too depressing and burdensome.

 

D.

 

Celibating 11 Years

It’s that time of the year, again! 

 

I was actually a bit surprised that Arwyn brought up our anniversary earlier in the week, asking me what I wanted to do.  I had no idea, really.  Well, that’s not right.  I did have an idea and you can guess what it was more or less.

 

But Arwyn was not talking about that.  She proposed that we might go out for dinner or something.  That sounded nice until she mentioned taking the kids along.  Ummm, no.  That’s not at all what I had in mind. 

 

Her and I were both massively busy with work all week.  The night before our anniversary, I gave her some money to buy milk and some fruit.  She did get milk but no fruit.  Instead she bought a card and an anniversary present; a fireproof safe box to keep valuable papers and stuff in.  She was a bit put off that I wasn’t overly massively thrilled with this.  Okay, it’s practical.  But I’m not sure it says “Happy Anniversary!” you know?

 

The next night I gave her a musical card with a Cars theme song, and thanking her for a very scenic ride.  Her card was as nonromantic and generic as you could get.  But she made an effort.  I also got a new TV as our old one went kaput a month or so ago.  She did enjoy that as well as some office supplies I got her so she wouldn’t have to be always devouring mine. 

 

That night she slept on the couch I think, as she didn’t go to bed until much later than me. 

 

And that was the entire extent of an 11 year celibation.  I think the last time we had sex on our anniversary was back on our 1st, when we rented a hotel by the beach.  She was pregnant on our second and wasn’t in the mood and then had a baby to take care of in subsequent years.  You can sort of get the picture.  While there was enough sex in subsequent years to have a second child, there never was as much as there was before we were married. 

 

Hmph.  Not much of an update, is it?  I’m not pushing for the time being.  I’m getting other areas girded up for whatever may follow, namely the financial side.  We are seriously close to ticking off a second Big Payment item that was sucking down $300 a month. Namely it was that old $10,000 Visa debt that Arwyn racked up in 2004.  And the car insurance.  I’ll then begin seriously biting into that second property mortgage which should fall within the next 12 months if I stay focused, freeing up another $330 a month.  Retiring all of these debts is tremendously liberating.  Other options begin opening up as far as saving, investing, charitable giving, and helping others.  I could do none of those things when I was so enslaved to hundreds of dollars in credit card and vehicle payments.

 

Lifting that weight can do nothing but help Arwyn and I no matter where we end up next. 

 

D.

 That post below was written over a week ago and just never got published, so you get a bonus today!

Home Alone

I’m being massively indulgent.  I SO know what Marie means by having the house totally empty except for MEEE!

 

Arwyn and the boys went to visit her mother in Florida for the rest of the week so it is me, me, me and all mine!  I finished cutting the grass this morning in the hot Georgia heat and not we are getting serious thunder storms.  What am I doing with my freedom?  Massively indulging as much as possible.  I’m finishing off this quart of brew I bought this morning and decided I would do some intense blogging the likes of which I haven’t done in awhile, leaving comments and such.  At least until the lightning got intense.  I’ll be back at it as soon as thing blows over.  I’m massively enjoying the rain, tho.  We have not had anything measurable for a few months.  Barely enough too keep the grass growing, which means this down pour will have me back at it in a week or so.  Hopefully stuff will grow and the deer will find forage somewhere else besides my garden!

 

With Arwyn gone, so is all the pressure and bother of the relationship drama.  That’s as much why I feel lighter as the beer.  I’m just relaxed, not buzzed.  Maybe I’ll do that Friday night.  Arwyn’s presence brings with it a certain intensity and heaviness that descends and clings and presses down.   Oddly enough, she has voiced a similar feeling about me.  She feels like I am always judging her and trying to change her.  And in a way, I suppose I am.  She threw that out on Black Sunday, and I’m not sure how to respond to that.  I simply said I felt the same way.  I feel I am forever judged and found wanting.  I think this is how anyone in an unhappy relationship feels. 

 

How do you exist in an unhappy relationship without looking at the things that are making you unhappy?  I suppose one could argue that I simply look at the positives.  I could do that, but then aren’t I then denying all the other crap that is so prevalent? 

I’m thankful that Arwyn is not a shrill harpy, and that she is an otherwise kind person.  She is on a spiritual journey not unlike my own but we are going in radically different directions.  I’m opting out of religious churchianity and she is opting to get deeper and deeper into it.  She wants to pull me back into a system that God is delivering me out of.  There’s an impasse here that I don’t know how to bridge.

 

Several folks have commented that getting out might be the way to go.  2Am, facing similar circumstances, has all but decided on that course of action.  And I certainly can’t argue that he has not put up a valiant effort.  He’s done the separate and joint counseling, which I haven’t done.  He’s made some decent strides in improving himself, but his wife is not moving but continues to harp at him about stuff that happened years ago and he’s since resolved.

 

But I think we need the break up one myth right off the bat: when there are kids involved there is no such thing as a “quick, clean break.”  Even without kids, disentangling can be messy.  Artful Dodger has been working on his divorce for almost 2 years.  Our friends Donald and Gina have been working on their divorce for about 3 years.  Arwyn’s dad’s divorce is on its 3rd year (with no kids involved but considerable assets).  See a trend?  I suppose it could be easier, but this is not the norm.

 

So what do I do?

 

At this point, I’m taking my cues from God.  A body can do that if they are developing that kind of relationship with Him.  That property down south does not look to be going anywhere.  The party who was interested in buying has not shown much interest in actually paying for it.  God could have closed that door a long time ago.  I have often wished He would have!  But I can’t live down there simply because my job is up here.  But I can spend more time down there working on the place if need be.  I can begin a move if so guided.  Stuff is happening in my work life that is pointing towards a move.  But I’m seeing how it plays out.  The finances are straightening out better and better as long as something doesn’t come along to muck it up.  Anything can happen.  Something will.

 

I would like for Arwyn to show up and attend the marriage.  I’d do counseling if I had any confidence at all it would work or if she would even go.   But at this point she’s not indicated any willingness to do anything.  Especially talking about it. 

 

D.