Forsaking All Others

09/10/2005

Saturday

I caught a bit of an interview last night with Danny Bonaduce and his wife, discussing some of hiis marital woes. They were discussing Danny’s affair.

Wife: I really had no warning about it. I had no idea.

Danny: Oh really? You don’t remember having a conversation with me saying “Somebody needs to start having sex with me around here!”?

Wife: Well, you were getting exactly what you deserved, since you weren’t treating me with any respect, and in hindsight you got what you deserved since you were willing to cheat.

His wife is an attractive, intelligent woman but I couldn’t help but feel she was being naive, at best. She’s married to a celebrity and their 15 year marriage is a rarity by most standards and a miracle by Hollywood standards. They have two young girls which he did call very important to him. But his celebrity status means he is going to have ample opportunities should he want to. She was dismissing his needs to the point of not even remembering when he had voiced them. His well-known jaded past should have tipped her off.

In fact, they got married about 7 hours into their first date. He was drunked up, making out with her and was pushing for more. She backed off, saying she was a Christian and wanted to save herself for marriage. They happened to be in Las Vegas so Danny found a minister and they were married right then and there. Next morning, he couldn’t even remember her name. “Who are you?” he asked.

“Mrs. Bonaduce!” she spat back.

Did I mention I thought she was naive?

While he wasn’t getting any sex because of his poor behavior, his track record should have given her some clue.

Leela Lamore’s blog is full of thoughtful posts to the point of earning a long-overdue spot on my blogroll. I’ve had her bookmarked for quite some time. She drew a considerable amount of fire for her confession of her pact with her husband concerning his expectation of daily sex. I think Phoenix had it right in making this expectation explicit right up front. Leela could have walked away right then and there. But she didn’t. Phoenix made known what his deal-breaker was, same as many (women) who will list similar expectations and requirements: must love children, must love pets, no drugs, no smoking, must be a certain religion, must be a certain height, must be financially secure, and the list goes on. In my last post, the Lioness also made her expectaion of daily sex pretty explicit. The other women cited the more vague notion of “romance.” Who has a better shot of getting their needs met?

Having explicit expectations is less manipulative than simply assuming the other person will take care of your needs because they love you and care for you. “Love honor and cherish” are extraordinarily subjective especially when it comes to day-to-day living. “Forsaking all others as long as we both shall live.” seems to be the clearest line, or the one that gets the most airplay in situations like the Bonaduce’s. Yeah, he screwed up. He admits it. But she can not or will not admit to having anything at all to do with it. “Forsaking all others” implies that there is one who will NOT be forsaken. But in the case of some, it becomes “Forsaking all.” Or the hapless spouse joins the list of the forsaken, replaced by another lover, a hobby, sports, chores, children or some other diversion.

D.

Homophobic?

09/09/2005

Friday

Cubed is providing some much needed levity to the blogging world. It’s been awhile since I’ve been able to engage in some healthy repartee with someone who is willing to react to a good old fashioned tail twisting.

Just because I offered him a little smooch for his trouble, he suddenly thinks I’m making romantic overtures.

Hope Square1 doesn’t get jealous.

No I’m not out to steal anyone’s man, much less someone who apparently shares a more severe form of my own psychopathology. It just wouldn’t last. It might be fun for awhile, tho.

I really don’t have any homosexual leanings. Okay, not many. I’m hideously secure in my own sexuality. Secure enough that I’ll go ahead and proposition my homophobic bretheren for the sheer joy of watching the blood rush into their razor-burned faces once their eyes return to their sockets. After flinging the label of homosexual, gay, faggot, fairy or some other label at me, they proceed to invoke the old “Some of my best friends are queers.” It’s the same way the uptight and white react to the accusation of being a racist. They always protest by pointing out how many minorities they socialize with on a regular basis. Which is why my black friends enjoy playing the race card, just to watch Whitey squirm and get all defensive. It’s hilarious. I’ve had friends try that on me, and my response turns it flat back on them. The Lioness actually tried that play.

Her: “It’s because I’m black, isn’t it?”

Me: “Well as a matter of fact it is. It’s because you are black. I’m a racist. Malcom X said it best ‘A white man can not, not be racist.’ I try, but there’s no way I can’t not be white.”

After she recovered, she just laughed because she knows better. She knows I think she’s cute. Dumb, whiny and impulsive but cute as hell. She can’t help but be annoyingly cute.

While homosexuality is an abomination to God, so is a lot of other things people do every day. I’m far from being pure as the driven snow, so I’m not the guy to be throwing stones. I’m not going to do it, but with a sharp blow to the head I might contemplate it. I flirt mentally with adultry which was also a capital offense in Moses’ day. Homosexuality, adultry, beastiality, fornication. All wrong on some level but we do it anyway. And I’m sure there are those that would debate which or whether certain things are right or wrong. I’m just going by the Bible, not personal belief of preference. I’ve done some of those things. I’ve done some things that almost anyone would call bad.

I’m just saying that I’m having a bit of fun at a homophobe’s expense. I suppose someone could call me one, too. I might have homophobic tendencies. I might have homosexual tendencies. I do know that I’ve never been propositioned by a gay guy, as far as I know. I think I’d feel flattered. Not necessarily attracted but gays supposedly have good taste, right? I feel kinda bad that I’m not up to their standards. Or else my heterosexuality is too obvious so they don’t waste their time.

Beats me and it’s silly worrying about it unless I plan on expanding the menu, so to speak. Switch hitting does hold some appeal just from a practical standpoint.

Today I had a rare opportunity to listen to 3 of my female coworkers discuss sex. The Lioness in her 20’s, Patience in her 30’s and … The Queen in her late 40’s. Patience didn’t contribute much as is her custom to keep herself guarded. But Lioness (L) and Queen(Q) had an interesting exchange:

Q: When you get to a certain age, sex doesn’t become as much of an issue.

L: What? You kidding? Any man I have better watch out because I gotta have it every night!

Q: You’ll understand when you get older, dear. You just get other priorities.

L:Really? I hope not! I just can’t imagine!

Q: Sometimes I just want the hugging and cuddling, but men just don’t get that. They can’t do that; they just don’t get it.

I interjected that for most men, sex really is a primary outlet for their deep emotions and vulnerability. If they are feeling happy or deep sadness, sex is often what they reach for.

L: I’m like that. I don’t always like all the cuddling, when I’m upset, I just want the juice!

Q: The what?

L: The juice! You know. I just want that man to be poppin’ me off and not always have to be messing with that lovey dovey stuff. When I get married, that man better be ready because I want him to PUT OUT!

Q: I guess I’m just more of a romantic.

Patience: I think I’m more like Queen that way. I like some romance.

It was just interesting. It was after hours and we were just sitting around and that conversation just sort of rolled in. I just enjoyed listening most times. Women can get pretty graphic about stuff sometimes when they get together. At this point no one was sharing personal experiences and I left before it got that far. Mainly I didn’t want to share MY experiences, such as they are. But there does appear to be a sort of generational shift in sexual attitudes. Younger women (in their 20’s) seem to be much more assertive today than 10 and 20 years ago. You think? Or maybe *I’m* just getting old which explains the lack of interest from the young gay community.

D.