06/29/2005
Wednesday
I just finished reading Housewyfe Wendy’s offering on monogamy and sex. It really got my blood up. A LOT.
This could get bloody.
Actually, the comments got me as much as the post itself.
Let’s make something perfectly clear; Housewyfe is a fantasy. She might as well be a writer for Penthouse Forum. In fact, I’d rather read her than Penthouse. After reading her lovely blog for a few months, however, I had to quit. It was entirely too painful. She is a skilled and insightful writer who really does a wonderful job writing descriptively. But reading her, for me, was an exercise in frustration. True to what she offered in her latest entry, I would have no hope of keeping up with someone like her. She’s wonderfully erotic, sensual, loving, open and intimate. But there is a certain amount of pressure that goes along with that. Fortunately for her, Caveman is the perfect man for the job.
Her writing is skilled enough to evoke some fairly powerful emotions within me. And not a lot of them are good. The frustration outweighed any vicarious pleasure I might have gained. Any guy thinking he can put himself in the caveman’s shoes is really pipe-dreaming. C’mon back to reality, boys.
She did make an exceedingly insightful comment about earning her way in to or out of the marriage. That needs some more exploration by someone with more insight than I have at the moment. Square1 gave a fair treatment of it from the perspective of Jimmy Evans. He does have a pretty firm grasp on the Biblical perspective of fidelity. And for a Christian, the Bible should be the final word on the matter.
But I feel the need to be a bit more oppositional and incendiary at the moment. So I’m going out of bounds, Biblically speaking.
One commenter had the audacity to propose that us husbands might get more sex if we vaccuumed and did the dishes. That is unadultrated horsecrap. You think Housewyfe might get a richer schedule of sex if she’d just mow the lawn and change the oil in caveman’s truck once in awhile? For a LL woman, doing more chores translates into doing more chores. She uses the time freed up by a horny mate, not for sex, but for starting some other projects. Many of these projects are ones the husband will end up having to finish. If I do too many chores my wife will eventually put me off in order to change the cat litter. And we haven’t had a cat in over two years. The More Housework=More Sex is a myth.
If the division of labor is a problem, sex can be used as a chip to get more done around the house. But the opposite is NOT true.
Most women could eliminate almost all the daily chores from their lives and their horny husbands would be happy to do it. See “Real Women Don’t Do Housework” for an in-depth treatment of how to do it. Most women won’t do it, though. They resent the manipulation of reinforcement preferring the bitchiness of punishment and coercion.
Let’s move on to the monogamy bit. I agree with many of the writers’ personal stance on this matter. I don’t advocate cheating from a moral standpoint. However, if a woman is going to play the part of the ice queen, she needs to see the part she is playing, here. Juxtapose her punishing, cold and aversive ways with the warm enticements, kindness and pleasures offered by someone else…just exactly what do you expect him to do? He’s only human, afterall.
During Bill Clinton’s second term, I was as critical of him as anyone else. I thought he had disgraced the office, and was a beast. I still think he’s a terrible role model in light of his numerous bimbo explosions and the numerous rapes, murders and deaths surrounding his presidency. But I do have more compassion for the man, nowadays after having to live years with a woman who isn’t half as spiteful as Hillary. Every single day, that man would leave his angry, cold, calculating wife, and emerge the most powerful man on earth. Inside, he couldn’t help but be wounded by a woman who had never quite respected him.
Think about that. He spent so much of his life acquiring respect, power and admiration. He wanted people to like him. He wanted to be wanted. But the coldness of his wife was obvious and unrelenting. Each and every day, he went to work with a wounded heart. So along comes a spritely intern, flashing her thong and willing to play with cigars. What the hell was he supposed to do?
Vaccuum the rug? Wash the dishes?
Princess Diana was a woman who thought she had found her prince. She found depression, misery and lonliness. What the hell was *she* supposed to do? Wear sexier lingerie? Cook a few more enticing meals? Submit to her husband?
It’s so easy for us to judge others. But it is not as if either Hillary or Charles were willing to contend for their spouses against the forces of temptation that exist in the world. There is wickedness out there that does not sleep. These men and women are responsible for their decisions and the consequences should they decide to have an affair. But the indignant spouse plays his/her own role and stands to reap the bitter harvest of all the lonliness and lack of intimacy sown over the years.
If a spouse is doing everything they can do to contend for their spouse against this sort of temptation then they have a clear conscience. But a woman condemning a healthy, loving man to a state of semi-celibacy needs to examine her own self before playing the part of the one who is victimized.
In the Garden of Eden, Adam should have evicted the serpent at the outset. He allowed Eve to talk to the snake in the first place. When Eve offered him the fruit, she didn’t have to look around for Adam. She didn’t have to wait for him to come home and didn’t even have to call out to him. Adam was there the whole time. He heard what the snake said, and watched Eve pick the fruit and watched her take the first bite. He was right there. He could have stood up at any point and prevented the fall. But he didn’t. He didn’t contend for and protect his wife, and since that time, women have been refusing to contend for their husbands. Payback is hell. Even Job’s wife (the only one in Job’s family in the story who the devil didn’t bother to hurt or kill) was ready to give up on her husband “Why are you still holding on to your integrity? Why don’t you just curse God and die?”
I’m not saying that there are not women fighting alongside their husbands. But these helpmates are few and far between. I celibrate the ones that do.
As men, sex is one of our chief weaknesses. The world stands ready to attack and devour us every time we step out the door. It actually reaches inside our homes, thanks to T.V. and the internet. A sexless marriage is a wound that cripples.
And thanks to some decent blogs I read, I’ve learned that it isn’t just us guys who suffer. Women also suffer in sexless marriages. But I’m addressing the sort of guys who email Housewyfe as well as the women who want to go after and persecute guys who are cheating. There are no adult victims, here.
D.
Posted by diggerjones 
Posted by diggerjones 
